As we are well-aware of, I have this infatuation with love. As I was roaming the internet I came across an amazing video. It's part of some Starbucks project to help fight AIDS in Africa. I cant' really explain it other than saying watch the video. It is a bloody brilliant video and I can't believe my good fortunes to come across this. I'll probably end sharing this on my other public networking websites.
New Years is so close!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Collegeacb is revolting
So my friend showed me this site called collegeacb and honestly it is a disgusting website. No it's not a porn website or some disgusting website like meatspin. It's disgusting in the sense that it shows the true ugliness of human beings. Basically it's a website that allow people to post anonymously about your school (pretty much gossip or say hateful things). Ande th things said in the posts are unbelievable. Normally I would be depressed when seeing this because all this tells me is that immaturity I wanted to escape from high school still exists in the college that I love. And then I see one post that upsets me greatly.
http://collegeacb.com/sb.php?school=UCIrvine&page=thread&id=99425&p=1
This post directly attacks one of things that I absolutely love about UCI, SPOP. For one, I do not wish to create a response on that website because it's pointless. I wouldn't change anyone minds or opinions through a stupid website argument. So it's best to just stop reading and accept the fact that there are a lot of ignorant people on this campus who really need to grow up. However, it really angers me to see someone to blatantly attack SPOP without any valid reasons other than it's filled with "fobby Asian hip-hop wannabes" or AXOs who he/she refers to as "sorority pornstars." I may not know the real reason why this person despises the people in the program but generalizing an entire sorority as pornstars is CROSSING THE DAMN LINE. I know some people in that sorority and they are good people so it really offends me when someone would make such outrageous and immature generalizations. Not only do people such ignorant generalization they would go as far as saying that a group of "all asians" is a lack diversity. This is BS. Some of these guys forget what the word diversity means. Diversity is not just restricted to the color of our skin but also by our cultures, our pasts, personalities, religious views, etc. I don't get why so many people are so focused by the color of our skin. I thought we were past those days and these are the days where follow the simple rule of not judging a book by its cover but by its contents.
The other thing that really made me angry real quick was the fact that someone directly attacked someone that I respect a lot. The post is as follows:
"Its because that hannah bitch, a smug korean cunt (like all koreans, she is smug as fuck) who heads spop is asian, thats why." (Someone a post later corrected this person's mistake, but I'm still frustrated by it)
This was in response that there was a lack of diversity (not enough "non-asian" or white people) but to directly attack someone because of her racial ethnicity and then go as far as generalizing an entire group is upsetting. But the thing that really gets to me is that he/she would say something about this woman. I may be a little biased when writing about Hannah, but I love her to death and she was like the older sister that I never had. I have so much respect for her and I credit a lot of my growth in college to her. But to see that someone would say that about Hannah makes me question whether or not this person really knows her. Hannah was and will always be one of the bigger influences in my life because the way she conducted herself and the amount of wisdom that she has shared with me has really left me in awe of her as a person. I can't imagine anyone disliking her to the point where someone is willing to say something like that about her. It just doesn't make sense to me.
But then again a lot of things in this world doesn't make sense.
On the brighter note: I'm done with finals! My winterbreak has started and I can't wait to relax.
http://collegeacb.com/sb.php?school=UCIrvine&page=thread&id=99425&p=1
This post directly attacks one of things that I absolutely love about UCI, SPOP. For one, I do not wish to create a response on that website because it's pointless. I wouldn't change anyone minds or opinions through a stupid website argument. So it's best to just stop reading and accept the fact that there are a lot of ignorant people on this campus who really need to grow up. However, it really angers me to see someone to blatantly attack SPOP without any valid reasons other than it's filled with "fobby Asian hip-hop wannabes" or AXOs who he/she refers to as "sorority pornstars." I may not know the real reason why this person despises the people in the program but generalizing an entire sorority as pornstars is CROSSING THE DAMN LINE. I know some people in that sorority and they are good people so it really offends me when someone would make such outrageous and immature generalizations. Not only do people such ignorant generalization they would go as far as saying that a group of "all asians" is a lack diversity. This is BS. Some of these guys forget what the word diversity means. Diversity is not just restricted to the color of our skin but also by our cultures, our pasts, personalities, religious views, etc. I don't get why so many people are so focused by the color of our skin. I thought we were past those days and these are the days where follow the simple rule of not judging a book by its cover but by its contents.
The other thing that really made me angry real quick was the fact that someone directly attacked someone that I respect a lot. The post is as follows:
"Its because that hannah bitch, a smug korean cunt (like all koreans, she is smug as fuck) who heads spop is asian, thats why." (Someone a post later corrected this person's mistake, but I'm still frustrated by it)
This was in response that there was a lack of diversity (not enough "non-asian" or white people) but to directly attack someone because of her racial ethnicity and then go as far as generalizing an entire group is upsetting. But the thing that really gets to me is that he/she would say something about this woman. I may be a little biased when writing about Hannah, but I love her to death and she was like the older sister that I never had. I have so much respect for her and I credit a lot of my growth in college to her. But to see that someone would say that about Hannah makes me question whether or not this person really knows her. Hannah was and will always be one of the bigger influences in my life because the way she conducted herself and the amount of wisdom that she has shared with me has really left me in awe of her as a person. I can't imagine anyone disliking her to the point where someone is willing to say something like that about her. It just doesn't make sense to me.
But then again a lot of things in this world doesn't make sense.
On the brighter note: I'm done with finals! My winterbreak has started and I can't wait to relax.
Wrong thing to be thinking about during a final...
I thought I should share this...
While I was taking my abnormal psych final, for some odd reason instead of thinking of an answer for one question the thing that popped into my head was this:
While I was taking my abnormal psych final, for some odd reason instead of thinking of an answer for one question the thing that popped into my head was this:
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Waiting for that girl...
There has been one thing that has really been bugging me recently and I've been having a really hard time shaking it loose. If you haven't figured it out just by the title of this post alone then I'll say it here: girls.
Recently, there have been times when I would sit alone and for some reason just feel lonely. I know that getting a girlfriend won't solve this loneliness issue and this is something I will need to solve on my own, but in those moments of solitude I begin to think and just imagine what my life would be like if I was in a relationship. I'll admit that I am one to believe in storybook romances and more than often I'll end up reading books or watching movies which will only provide me with more hope that one magical day a girl so perfect will spontaneously become part of my life. But then that just makes me a hopeless romantic. Now-a-days it's starting to get really hard for me to "wait for that girl" to walk into my life.
It seems like every time I do meet a girl that I find interesting, I always end up making myself look foolish or I simply don't do anything at all. It's weird because I don't see myself as a shy person but when I cross paths with a girl that I find interesting or a girl that I like, I have the hardest time just talking to her without making things awkward. It makes me wonder how do some guys are able to ask girls out on dates with confidence when I can't even act normal around a crush. Are some guys more natural around girls than I am? I guess that is something I'm going to need to find out soon if I hope to actually get serious about this relationship thing.
Life is just too confusing especially when romance is involved.
p.s. darn you Korean dramas. You guys (Korean dramas) just make things worst.
Recently, there have been times when I would sit alone and for some reason just feel lonely. I know that getting a girlfriend won't solve this loneliness issue and this is something I will need to solve on my own, but in those moments of solitude I begin to think and just imagine what my life would be like if I was in a relationship. I'll admit that I am one to believe in storybook romances and more than often I'll end up reading books or watching movies which will only provide me with more hope that one magical day a girl so perfect will spontaneously become part of my life. But then that just makes me a hopeless romantic. Now-a-days it's starting to get really hard for me to "wait for that girl" to walk into my life.
It seems like every time I do meet a girl that I find interesting, I always end up making myself look foolish or I simply don't do anything at all. It's weird because I don't see myself as a shy person but when I cross paths with a girl that I find interesting or a girl that I like, I have the hardest time just talking to her without making things awkward. It makes me wonder how do some guys are able to ask girls out on dates with confidence when I can't even act normal around a crush. Are some guys more natural around girls than I am? I guess that is something I'm going to need to find out soon if I hope to actually get serious about this relationship thing.
Life is just too confusing especially when romance is involved.
p.s. darn you Korean dramas. You guys (Korean dramas) just make things worst.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Anonymous
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was to write this blog as an anonymous person. I could say whatever the heck I want and not worry about others who may read my blog would think.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
A Fun Story
I thought I share this story from my private blog. I really like this story and it made me think about the hardships I faced this past year and this current year...hopefully it can have the same affect on others as it has had on me. :)
FOOTPRINTS
One night I dreamed I was walking
Along the beach with the Lord,
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there was only one.
This bothered me because I noticed
During the low periods of my life when I was
Suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, You promised me,
Lord, that if I followed you,
You would walk with me always.
But I noticed during the most trying periods
Of my life there has only been
One set of prints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
Have you not been there for me?
The Lord replied,
The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
It was then that I carried you. -By Anon
FOOTPRINTS
One night I dreamed I was walking
Along the beach with the Lord,
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there was only one.
This bothered me because I noticed
During the low periods of my life when I was
Suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, You promised me,
Lord, that if I followed you,
You would walk with me always.
But I noticed during the most trying periods
Of my life there has only been
One set of prints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
Have you not been there for me?
The Lord replied,
The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
It was then that I carried you. -By Anon
Friday, October 23, 2009
I Don't Want to Grow Up
I'm starting to feel the consequences of growing up and I kind of dislike it a lot. All these bill for things that I didn't even know that I had to pay for, I need to start planning for my future, realizing that there is such thing as an easy life, etc. This past week for me and people around me has been a downer. I had three midterms in a span of two days and I believed I did really on all those tests only to find out that I hit the mean. It really sucks because it makes me wonder if I am really no better than average. Each year I have tried to study harder yet my grades has yet to show any kind of improvement. Those midterms are only part of the puzzle that contributed a pretty negative week. Today I found out that my roommates and I were ripped off because our T.V. broke today and the repairman said the problem has been there for a while but the guy who sold it to us said it was perfectly fine. Today I found out that someone I knew passed away. There a bunch of other things that went wrong this week but I’ll just start ranting about how much I hate certain things.
All these events really make start looking at where I am in life and I realized I need to really evaluate where I stand and start making decisions that will affect me for the rest of my life. I've been living my life so far carefree with the belief that good things will happen as long as I try. However, my wake-up call has not been pleasant and it's somewhat depressing. I'm watching people I know graduate college and start the careers and some friends I know are developing relationship into something that will most likely end up in marriage. It's funny that when I was little all I wanted to is grow up, but now here I am on brink of "growing up" and I don't want to. I think it is because I'm afraid what lies for me in the future.
I was told that I'll grow up and do great things, but what if those things don't happen? What if I am just average? To be honest, I really don't know what my talents are. I'm not the most athletic guy, I'm not the smartest guy, nor am I artistic. Heck, I have the most rotten luck with girls. So where does that put me? I honestly have no clue, people say that I am capable of great things but can I truly tap into that "potential" and do those "great things?" So far academically, it seems that no matter how hard I try, I will always hit that wall that prevents me from performing well. There seems to be a wall for just about everything I attempt to be good at which really makes me wonder what am I supposed to be good at if everything I do ends up with me either being mediocre or failing. Before I used to be able to live my life carefree, but now I am very afraid of what lies next for me because the days of my youth are coming to an end and I really need to evaluate my life and figure out what I need to do with the rest of my life.
I want to go to Disneyland...it's so happy there.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
What If...
Today was a pretty uneventful day for me. I was pretty much alone in my house all day today with absolutely nothing to do, yet I felt like today I did a lot more thinking than any other day. And I caught myself going into a bunch of "what if" scenarios.
I recently got into a pretty bad car accident a few days ago. Luckily no one was seriously injured and the worst thing that may come out of this accident is I may lose my car due to it being totaled. I thought I would be able to move on from that experience and learn from my mistakes yet I caught myself today thinking "what if I had seen that car earlier and stopped sooner?" This eventually lead into me wondering "what if..." for almost every major landmark event in my life. Just thinking about what my life would be like had I taken a different route at each of these moments made me curious what I would be like today. One thing that I was thinking about a lot today was what I would be like had I not staffed SPOP last summer. Would I discovered my passion for dancing? Would I still have met the people I met through SPOP? Would I have the same outlook about life? There are many more questions that were raised but as I was thinking about that I realize I was venturing down a path that I shouldn't explore. All this "what if..." was making me look at my past and either regret past decisions/actions or wonder had I made the correct decision at that moment. I was forcing myself to start thinking backwards instead of forward.
I'm not saying that thinking about the past is a terrible thing to do, but if we are not careful we will begin to dwell on the past which is pretty much what I began to do. Yes, I do wish I could create a time machine and go back and prevent/fix all of my experiences that I would label as bad experiences. Yet, if I was to fix those things where would I learn the lessons those experiences provided? There are so many things in life that cannot be taught and must be experienced first hand. Living in the past would get me nowhere because all I would be doing is moping around complaining about things I could of done differently. It would simply ruin my future. Life is best experience without any regrets, so I guess it's best to accept everything that happened, soak in the lessons and keep moving forward without looking back.
Carpe Diem.
I recently got into a pretty bad car accident a few days ago. Luckily no one was seriously injured and the worst thing that may come out of this accident is I may lose my car due to it being totaled. I thought I would be able to move on from that experience and learn from my mistakes yet I caught myself today thinking "what if I had seen that car earlier and stopped sooner?" This eventually lead into me wondering "what if..." for almost every major landmark event in my life. Just thinking about what my life would be like had I taken a different route at each of these moments made me curious what I would be like today. One thing that I was thinking about a lot today was what I would be like had I not staffed SPOP last summer. Would I discovered my passion for dancing? Would I still have met the people I met through SPOP? Would I have the same outlook about life? There are many more questions that were raised but as I was thinking about that I realize I was venturing down a path that I shouldn't explore. All this "what if..." was making me look at my past and either regret past decisions/actions or wonder had I made the correct decision at that moment. I was forcing myself to start thinking backwards instead of forward.
I'm not saying that thinking about the past is a terrible thing to do, but if we are not careful we will begin to dwell on the past which is pretty much what I began to do. Yes, I do wish I could create a time machine and go back and prevent/fix all of my experiences that I would label as bad experiences. Yet, if I was to fix those things where would I learn the lessons those experiences provided? There are so many things in life that cannot be taught and must be experienced first hand. Living in the past would get me nowhere because all I would be doing is moping around complaining about things I could of done differently. It would simply ruin my future. Life is best experience without any regrets, so I guess it's best to accept everything that happened, soak in the lessons and keep moving forward without looking back.
Carpe Diem.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Food for Thoughts
I want to be able to talk like this.
I had to post this one too...
Where are your monsters?
I had to post this one too...
Where are your monsters?
Monday, August 3, 2009
Because I'm Asian
Throughout my travels, I have encountered one thing repeatedly that I have never experienced before in the United States. I have never really experienced the kind of stereotyping that I have received here. I have a whole list of times where I experience some random person saying something that is somewhat derogatory. Some of the things that happened to me are;
-I was walking around town in the early afternoon with a friend, who is Chinese too, when a bunch of kids (looked like they were still high school) walked right at us and started shouting some random "ching-chong" gibberish because I wouldn't move out of "their way.
-I was waiting at a bus stop late at night and a group of tourist came up to me but I heard one of them say "Let's not ask him, he probably doesn't know English."
-My friends and I was approached by some girl in front of a pub and was asked if hello was "Konichiwa or nee hao ma." When we told her they both mean hello in two different languages, she ran back to her friends shouting "They speak perfect English!" She later returned and asked us if we were from China or Japan. We really tempted to say we're from Laos.
-I was actually asked if being called a Chink was ok. This was the most ridiculous of all my experiences.
There are a few more moments but there all pretty similar to those experience. I experience a lot of "Wow, your English is really good" moments. I find it really interesting that I'm experiencing these kind of moments now rather than in America. I suspect it's because Asians are a rare sight here in Brighton as compared to where I'm from.
These experiences now make me wonder one thing. Why are people here so misconceited about Asians here? Maybe I'm just on the bad end of the stick but more than one experience with this kind of stuff is making me believe that there is something wrong here. In my own personal opinion, I think it's because people are curious at the same time they are not as educated as they think they are about our cultures. So far, most people here only believe that there are only Chinese and Japanese and every other ethnicities fall into some sub-category of Chinese and Japanese. It makes me wonder why they haven't realized that there are more than just two ethnicities and there is in fact a large number of different ethnicities each with their own unique language and culture. Perhaps I can blame it on the lack of diversity which is very evident in some parts of town.
In the end, I still don't know why I am so heavily stereotyped but hopefully at the end of the trip I'll learn something about that.
-I was walking around town in the early afternoon with a friend, who is Chinese too, when a bunch of kids (looked like they were still high school) walked right at us and started shouting some random "ching-chong" gibberish because I wouldn't move out of "their way.
-I was waiting at a bus stop late at night and a group of tourist came up to me but I heard one of them say "Let's not ask him, he probably doesn't know English."
-My friends and I was approached by some girl in front of a pub and was asked if hello was "Konichiwa or nee hao ma." When we told her they both mean hello in two different languages, she ran back to her friends shouting "They speak perfect English!" She later returned and asked us if we were from China or Japan. We really tempted to say we're from Laos.
-I was actually asked if being called a Chink was ok. This was the most ridiculous of all my experiences.
There are a few more moments but there all pretty similar to those experience. I experience a lot of "Wow, your English is really good" moments. I find it really interesting that I'm experiencing these kind of moments now rather than in America. I suspect it's because Asians are a rare sight here in Brighton as compared to where I'm from.
These experiences now make me wonder one thing. Why are people here so misconceited about Asians here? Maybe I'm just on the bad end of the stick but more than one experience with this kind of stuff is making me believe that there is something wrong here. In my own personal opinion, I think it's because people are curious at the same time they are not as educated as they think they are about our cultures. So far, most people here only believe that there are only Chinese and Japanese and every other ethnicities fall into some sub-category of Chinese and Japanese. It makes me wonder why they haven't realized that there are more than just two ethnicities and there is in fact a large number of different ethnicities each with their own unique language and culture. Perhaps I can blame it on the lack of diversity which is very evident in some parts of town.
In the end, I still don't know why I am so heavily stereotyped but hopefully at the end of the trip I'll learn something about that.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Study Abroad Update #2
I just came back from my weekend trip to Amsterdam and Bruge and I have to say it was an interesting experience. While in Amsterdam, I tried a cake and I was tripping out like no other. It actually kind of ruined my afternoon as I was pretty much in a different world the entire time and I couldn't focus on anything. However, when I wasn't tripping out (which was the rest of the time), I had some time to take in the sights and I have to say that there is something unique about Amsterdam. If we were to take out the drugs and sex out of the equation, Amsterdam has this unique vibe that is really hard to describe. I don't think it would be a place I would want to visit with my parents but I don't know if I would want to for fun either because it's one of those places that attracts tourists with weed as the main attraction and I'm not much of a smoker. On the other hand, the trip to a traditional Dutch village with windmills was a fun place to visit. The clog museum was fun and I got to see how clogs were made. The second museum was a cheese factory and it had all you can sample/eat cheese. The cheese was freaking amazing and I was really close to buying some cheese but I didn't have enough money. *Sigh*
One of the many windmills....
Bruge.Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A Quickie
Don't have much time for to type a regular post...I'll write another one soon but a quick status update:
-I am painting my walls with blood...insect blood. I have killed at least one disgusting bug per day and they are leaving their residue on my wall. It's like a kill counter...
-First midterm today. Results= kinda challenging
-I just realized that there is no such thing as an easy college course
-Made a friend with a person from the UK
-I have no food and is losing too much weight
-It's really expensive to live here plus conversion rates suck.
-I got lost in London...again.
-Just realized I need to start uploading some pictures.
-I am painting my walls with blood...insect blood. I have killed at least one disgusting bug per day and they are leaving their residue on my wall. It's like a kill counter...
-First midterm today. Results= kinda challenging
-I just realized that there is no such thing as an easy college course
-Made a friend with a person from the UK
-I have no food and is losing too much weight
-It's really expensive to live here plus conversion rates suck.
-I got lost in London...again.
-Just realized I need to start uploading some pictures.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Greetings from....
Greetings from the United Kingdom!
So last week was pretty epic because I could only sleep for three hour intervals at a time which made it really difficult to get a full night of sleep when I kept on waking up every three hours. However, that made the past week that much more fun as I was kind of delirious most of the time here. I met some pretty cool people and some new people but at the same time it feels too much like UCI in the United Kingdom as most people came in large groups of friends so most friend circles were already established and a little more close minded to meeting new people. I'm not saying that they are not entirely closed to the idea of new friends but they are definitely not excited to meet new people (maybe meeting locals gets them excited but people in the program...not too much).
I don't have much time to go into full details what I did last week as it would take a long time and I'll probably go off some random tangent about something random....
So quick summary of last week:
-Got settled in and was surprised to see how crappy the room was.....
-Killed this freakishly large spider and mosquito in my room...
-Meet a bunch of people
-Class/discussion/lab
-Walked around Brighton and got lost
-Went to a bunch of pubs and went clubbing. (Don't remember much from that night but I was told I was having a good time)
-Discovered a pub that I really like and plan on trying to become a regular there
-Went to go meet friends in London....and got lost again
-Watched an epic match between Roddick and Federer at Wimbledon (I wasn't actually in the stadium, but sitting with locals and the atmosphere made it amazing)
-Yesterday was the first morning were I felt exhausted
That's my experience so far. I'll try to load pictures soon when I have the time. Now I have to go back and study.
Cheers.
So last week was pretty epic because I could only sleep for three hour intervals at a time which made it really difficult to get a full night of sleep when I kept on waking up every three hours. However, that made the past week that much more fun as I was kind of delirious most of the time here. I met some pretty cool people and some new people but at the same time it feels too much like UCI in the United Kingdom as most people came in large groups of friends so most friend circles were already established and a little more close minded to meeting new people. I'm not saying that they are not entirely closed to the idea of new friends but they are definitely not excited to meet new people (maybe meeting locals gets them excited but people in the program...not too much).
I don't have much time to go into full details what I did last week as it would take a long time and I'll probably go off some random tangent about something random....
So quick summary of last week:
-Got settled in and was surprised to see how crappy the room was.....
-Killed this freakishly large spider and mosquito in my room...
-Meet a bunch of people
-Class/discussion/lab
-Walked around Brighton and got lost
-Went to a bunch of pubs and went clubbing. (Don't remember much from that night but I was told I was having a good time)
-Discovered a pub that I really like and plan on trying to become a regular there
-Went to go meet friends in London....and got lost again
-Watched an epic match between Roddick and Federer at Wimbledon (I wasn't actually in the stadium, but sitting with locals and the atmosphere made it amazing)
-Yesterday was the first morning were I felt exhausted
That's my experience so far. I'll try to load pictures soon when I have the time. Now I have to go back and study.
Cheers.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Passing of a Legend
Although this is old news by now, but Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, has passed away yesterday June 25, 2009. To be honest, I had a hard time at first realizing that man that has created countless hits like "Thriller", "Beat It", "Billie Jean" (the list can go on and on for a long time) is no longer physically present on this planet. I will admit it took me a while to appreciate Michael Jackson and his musical genius, but once I became a fan, I couldn't stop listening and watching his videos. His music videos were just so epic, I mean who still does ten minute long music videos and still make them look as good as he has made them? It sucked for me to grow up in an era when Michael Jackson was getting publicity for a bunch of weird stuff that borderlines crazy, but I can only imagine what he must've been like in his prime. The passion, the dancing, his charisma...he will forever be remembered as one of the greatest entertainers of all time.
I was talking to one of my friend today and he said that one of the best thing Michael has done for us was make people want to dance and I couldn't agree more. His music just made people want to groove. I can't describe it, it just has this feel to it that made you want to jump out of your seats and dance. I would be lying by saying that I have never attempted the moonwalk before or tried to copy the Thriller dance. Even in the dance communities (mainly the bboy community because that is the community that I have the most contact with) honored him by dancing to his music. They believed that dancing was the best way to honor the King and I can't think of a more appropriate way to honor him. Michael was person who accomplished what the title of my blog states; he may be gone but his legacy still remains.
On a brighter note, I am officially twelve hours away from my adventure to the United Kingdom. I'm pretty excited and anxious about this trip. It will be my first time I will try and survive in an environment that I am not too familiar with at all, but I hope all will go well and this will become that amazing experience everyone always talk about. I'll try to update this blog weekly about my adventures abroad! :)
"If you enters this world knowing you are loved and leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with." -Michael Jackson
I was talking to one of my friend today and he said that one of the best thing Michael has done for us was make people want to dance and I couldn't agree more. His music just made people want to groove. I can't describe it, it just has this feel to it that made you want to jump out of your seats and dance. I would be lying by saying that I have never attempted the moonwalk before or tried to copy the Thriller dance. Even in the dance communities (mainly the bboy community because that is the community that I have the most contact with) honored him by dancing to his music. They believed that dancing was the best way to honor the King and I can't think of a more appropriate way to honor him. Michael was person who accomplished what the title of my blog states; he may be gone but his legacy still remains.
On a brighter note, I am officially twelve hours away from my adventure to the United Kingdom. I'm pretty excited and anxious about this trip. It will be my first time I will try and survive in an environment that I am not too familiar with at all, but I hope all will go well and this will become that amazing experience everyone always talk about. I'll try to update this blog weekly about my adventures abroad! :)
"If you enters this world knowing you are loved and leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with." -Michael Jackson
Monday, May 25, 2009
What is School?
I had the worst feeling after a midterm on Friday. I was so filled with fear of how bad I did on the midterm mixed with anger, I couldn't focus for the rest of the day and the worst part was that it was a morning midterm so I was forced to try and appear happy and normal when I was with friends. The only thing on my mind was get away from this place called school. I wanted to go home.
I really needed an escape from school, a retreat to recollect myself and recover from the overload of stress stemming from school. While listening to some Hawaiian music (I don't know why, but Hawaiian music always seem to calm me down) I began to ask myself what is school to me. On one hand, school can be considered a pain in the ass process that we must endure in order to receive a piece of paper that says that we have survived however many years we spent in college and are now officially "educated" citizens. On the other hand, school can be considered an amazing environment where we can learn as much as we want and whatever we want.
My views of school are more closely associated with the first view as I often find myself trying to endure classes rather than enjoy them. I am constantly stressed about my classes that thought of me enjoying what I am learning never once crossed my mind. It really bugs me that I came to college to learn, yet I hate the process of learning so far. I don't get why I pour all my effort and time to memorize things that I will only remember for a test and the moment the test is over all my efforts spent over the past few days will disappear. I have this wonderful opportunity that not everyone is blessed to have and I take it for granted. I could be learning new things about science, culture, and the English language every time I walk into a lecture. Instead I attend lectures just in case there is a random pop quiz or i-clicker question. I don't go to lectures to learn but I go for the sake of being there. I don't get why as much I try to enjoy learning I always end up disliking the process of learning even more. I am presented a wonderful opportunity to learn something new everyday and I am squandering it one second at a time. I think it's time I find a way to change my views of school so I can enjoy my remaining years here at UCI.
I really needed an escape from school, a retreat to recollect myself and recover from the overload of stress stemming from school. While listening to some Hawaiian music (I don't know why, but Hawaiian music always seem to calm me down) I began to ask myself what is school to me. On one hand, school can be considered a pain in the ass process that we must endure in order to receive a piece of paper that says that we have survived however many years we spent in college and are now officially "educated" citizens. On the other hand, school can be considered an amazing environment where we can learn as much as we want and whatever we want.
My views of school are more closely associated with the first view as I often find myself trying to endure classes rather than enjoy them. I am constantly stressed about my classes that thought of me enjoying what I am learning never once crossed my mind. It really bugs me that I came to college to learn, yet I hate the process of learning so far. I don't get why I pour all my effort and time to memorize things that I will only remember for a test and the moment the test is over all my efforts spent over the past few days will disappear. I have this wonderful opportunity that not everyone is blessed to have and I take it for granted. I could be learning new things about science, culture, and the English language every time I walk into a lecture. Instead I attend lectures just in case there is a random pop quiz or i-clicker question. I don't go to lectures to learn but I go for the sake of being there. I don't get why as much I try to enjoy learning I always end up disliking the process of learning even more. I am presented a wonderful opportunity to learn something new everyday and I am squandering it one second at a time. I think it's time I find a way to change my views of school so I can enjoy my remaining years here at UCI.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Thanks for the Prayers!
I am happy to say that my friend was released from the hospital a couple of days ago and he says he is feeling as healthy as he ever was. Thank you so much for everyone who has prayed for him and thank God he is able to walk away from this as if nothing ever happened.On the side note, I was watching Anastasia with my sister this weekend and it was strange re-watching a movie that I watched as a child now. The music from the movie is the thing that really impressed me. The entire soundtrack for Anastasia is simply amazing and I began to fall in love with it. The first verse of Journey to the Past was something that I can relate to and it pretty much summarizes what I am feeling right now with all the things going on in my life.
Heart don't fail me now,
Courage don't desert me,
Don't turn back now that we're here.
People always say,
Life is full of choices,
No one ever mentions fear.
Or how the world can seem so vast
-"Journey to the Past" Liz Callaway
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Prayer request
I just received a phone call from my friend that one of my friend has just been rushed to the hospital due to an irregular heart condition. According to her, this may be a fatal condition. I couldn't even talk to my friend when she was telling me about him, I was in a state of shock. This is too unbelievable because I saw him this Friday and he was fine, but to hear that he may have a fatal condition now...I don't know what to say. I can only do one thing; pray. Pray that I will see him again. I am asking everyone who reads this entry to please consider my friend in your prayers and that he will be fine in the end. Thank you so much.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Pet Peeves
Today is Easter! Yay! Although I should be happy and celebrating right now, I stumbled upon something on You Tube that really bothers me. I was watching a bboy battle and I stumbled upon a comment by some dude saying :
"Good day to all of my fellow Christians, firstly my apology for being out of topic. I came here to remind you people that the judgment day has been starting already. I urge you my fellow Christians to depart from all form of unchristian conduct lest you be found not worthy to inter the kingdom of God in the Day of Execution. Please do not misinterpret my activity as spam; I did not do it for that purpose."-conceil8
This is truly one of my biggest pet peeve. As much as I want to support tche guy because he probably had good intentions, his methods are something I completely disagree with. I respect the fact that he is trying to evangelize others and share his faith, but using fear as his tactic? That is complete BS. This guy is as bad as those people who come onto campus shouting that we are all going to go to Hell. I took the liberty to go to his website read what he has to say about what we should do so that we can enter the Kingdom of God and it is absolutely ridiculous. He suggests that we literally give up everything and submit ourselves to a totalitarian-like system with this thing called the "Administration" controlling every aspect of lives and what we do. It's unbelievable that this guy believes that this is the path to salvation. People like them give Christians a bad rep. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they create more non-believers than believers which is very depressing.
I respect everyone who is brave enough to voice their opinions. Yet, I just can't help but feel extremely frustrated with people who post up or say stupid crap like the guy did above. He didn't even bother to say why he believed that Judgment Day has started already. Plus, (correct me if I'm wrong) I'm pretty sure that the Tribulation happens before Judgment Day, so this pretty much makes his belief that Judgment Day is upon us invalid. I can't believe that people are this stubborn. It's almost like they believe that they are the only one in the world with the right opinion and everyone else is wrong. Why do they want to be the only correct voice in the world? It just doesn't make any sense to me. It also pisses me off that some Christians would go as far as taking certain Bible verses out of context so it would help their arguments or provide a reason for certain things that they do. The act of perverting a Bible verse so it will justify your argument or your actions is truly an act of selfishness and adds fuel to the fire for those who want to argue that Christians are hypocrites.
I believe that the best way to try and get someone to understand my faith is by being their friend first. I feel that sometimes it is easier to share my faith with someone who is my friend than walking up to a complete stranger and sharing my faith with them. Perhaps the one thing that needs to be recognized among many Christians is that the strategies of the past are often not the most effective methods and we need to adapt to today's culture and adjust our methods. It's like the guitar being used in modern worship. Back in the days, the guitar was often associated with rock music which was considered by the church "Devil music" and it was considered absurd to use it for worship. However, if we look at most churches today it is hard not to find a guitar being used for worship. The usage of the guitar is just an adaptation by musicians who realized that the instrument could be utilized to make some amazing music for worship and that music can be used to appeal to a broader audience.
"Good day to all of my fellow Christians, firstly my apology for being out of topic. I came here to remind you people that the judgment day has been starting already. I urge you my fellow Christians to depart from all form of unchristian conduct lest you be found not worthy to inter the kingdom of God in the Day of Execution. Please do not misinterpret my activity as spam; I did not do it for that purpose."-conceil8
This is truly one of my biggest pet peeve. As much as I want to support tche guy because he probably had good intentions, his methods are something I completely disagree with. I respect the fact that he is trying to evangelize others and share his faith, but using fear as his tactic? That is complete BS. This guy is as bad as those people who come onto campus shouting that we are all going to go to Hell. I took the liberty to go to his website read what he has to say about what we should do so that we can enter the Kingdom of God and it is absolutely ridiculous. He suggests that we literally give up everything and submit ourselves to a totalitarian-like system with this thing called the "Administration" controlling every aspect of lives and what we do. It's unbelievable that this guy believes that this is the path to salvation. People like them give Christians a bad rep. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they create more non-believers than believers which is very depressing.
I respect everyone who is brave enough to voice their opinions. Yet, I just can't help but feel extremely frustrated with people who post up or say stupid crap like the guy did above. He didn't even bother to say why he believed that Judgment Day has started already. Plus, (correct me if I'm wrong) I'm pretty sure that the Tribulation happens before Judgment Day, so this pretty much makes his belief that Judgment Day is upon us invalid. I can't believe that people are this stubborn. It's almost like they believe that they are the only one in the world with the right opinion and everyone else is wrong. Why do they want to be the only correct voice in the world? It just doesn't make any sense to me. It also pisses me off that some Christians would go as far as taking certain Bible verses out of context so it would help their arguments or provide a reason for certain things that they do. The act of perverting a Bible verse so it will justify your argument or your actions is truly an act of selfishness and adds fuel to the fire for those who want to argue that Christians are hypocrites.
I believe that the best way to try and get someone to understand my faith is by being their friend first. I feel that sometimes it is easier to share my faith with someone who is my friend than walking up to a complete stranger and sharing my faith with them. Perhaps the one thing that needs to be recognized among many Christians is that the strategies of the past are often not the most effective methods and we need to adapt to today's culture and adjust our methods. It's like the guitar being used in modern worship. Back in the days, the guitar was often associated with rock music which was considered by the church "Devil music" and it was considered absurd to use it for worship. However, if we look at most churches today it is hard not to find a guitar being used for worship. The usage of the guitar is just an adaptation by musicians who realized that the instrument could be utilized to make some amazing music for worship and that music can be used to appeal to a broader audience.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Learning is Fun
This Spring quarter is showing a lot of promise. If you haven't found out by now, I'm no longer a Bio major, or will no longer be a bio major by the end of this quarter. Instead I will, hopefully, graduate UCI as a Public Health Policy major. The switch from a science major to something that is non-science is a scary switch for me because I am now removing myself from world and placing myself into another world. Growing up, one of the things that I always wanted to do as a kid was become a scientist. I had so many aspirations back then. I wanted to cure cancer, make some sort of potion that will make people feel young all the time, etc. I pretty much wanted to make the world a happier place. Then I got older and reality sort of kicked me in the face. I still have the desire to grow up and help people, but I just have to find another way to do it.
During spring break I realized that I was in the wrong major and pretty wasted the first two years of my college career trying to be successful in a major that was simply not suited for me. I tried my hardest every quarter, spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to expand my knowledge of biology only to receive grades that did not justify the amount of effort and time I spent. After realizing that I was never good at biology and seeing that my current path is not going to take to where I want to go, I opted to switch my major to something that I might have a chance at and it will hopefully refuel my desire to study again. I never thought studying was a bad thing because in the end I'm learning something new. Whether I'm learning about business, laws, or whatever I am studying, I used to enjoy the process of gaining new knowledge. I can't say that there has never been a time when I wished I was doing something else other than studying but looking back at all my study sessions, I used to never have a problem with the idea of studying until college.
I'm hoping that my switch of major that it will allow me to enjoy my last couple years at UCI and raise my GPA back from the dead. As for now, enjoy my last couple weeks as a second year and just remember to take some time to sniff the roses/whatever plant smells nice in Aldrich park and prepare for the future. (Namely getting ready to study abroad, so pretty much getting ready for that culture shock. :D)
During spring break I realized that I was in the wrong major and pretty wasted the first two years of my college career trying to be successful in a major that was simply not suited for me. I tried my hardest every quarter, spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to expand my knowledge of biology only to receive grades that did not justify the amount of effort and time I spent. After realizing that I was never good at biology and seeing that my current path is not going to take to where I want to go, I opted to switch my major to something that I might have a chance at and it will hopefully refuel my desire to study again. I never thought studying was a bad thing because in the end I'm learning something new. Whether I'm learning about business, laws, or whatever I am studying, I used to enjoy the process of gaining new knowledge. I can't say that there has never been a time when I wished I was doing something else other than studying but looking back at all my study sessions, I used to never have a problem with the idea of studying until college.
I'm hoping that my switch of major that it will allow me to enjoy my last couple years at UCI and raise my GPA back from the dead. As for now, enjoy my last couple weeks as a second year and just remember to take some time to sniff the roses/whatever plant smells nice in Aldrich park and prepare for the future. (Namely getting ready to study abroad, so pretty much getting ready for that culture shock. :D)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Why I Love SPOP
Oh how I love spring break. It is just a wonderful time; great weather, no school related stress, and time to see old faces. It really is one of the best seasons of the year. That said, this spring break has also had it's share of being somewhat mentally tiring.
One thing that sparked one of my many trains of thoughts was something that I read in one of my friend's blog. His dad was undergoing surgery for the same exact thing my grandpa had. From what I read so far, it seems like his father is doing fine and I'm glad to hear that.
I think my grandpa plays a large role why I hold SPOP so close to my heart. The year I went to SPOP was the same year that my grandpa passed away. SPOP was one of the greatest experiences of my life. My staffers were the best staffers in the world and have impacted me in so many ways that I cannot express in words. The biggest reason why I wanted to be a staffer was to emulate them and impact so many others the way they impacted me. Now looking back at SPOP after this previous year and after reading my friend's blog, I really believe the reason why I love SPOP so much is because it created an alternate reality for me to escape to.
My folks planned for me to attend SPOP the weekend before my grandpa's funeral. The way they set it up was, I attend SPOP for three days and right after it ends I go to the airport and was flown out Sacramento for the funeral. I can still remember my parents dropping me off at Mesa court, telling me to make sure I leave as soon as possible so I won't miss my flight. It was hard going to some orientation for a college that I didn't want to go to and knowing that right after I had to say goodbye to someone I love. Yet, my staffers have accomplished the impossible and lifted my spirits in a way that many others couldn't. They helped me escape the harshness of reality long enough for me to finally accept the fact that he is gone, but I will someday be reunited with him. For the first time I cried not because I was mad or sad, but because I was happy. It was then and there I fully understood what tears of joy were. I never had the chance to tell them how grateful I was for them being there and just providing a friendly atmosphere. Even when I staffed with one of my own staffer, I was still never able to tell her how thankful I was. So I want to thank my staffers now (Larry, Lilly, Chris, Donald, J-Chou, and Erin) for helping me smile during a period of my life where it was hard to.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Success and Failures (Part 2)
In continuation with my earlier post, I stumbled upon a great clip from Rocky (I think it's from the sixth movie.I lost track after Rocky 3). Rocky pretty much sums up what I wanted to say, so enjoy the clip.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Success and Failure
The future is a scary thing. In fact, every time I'm asked the question "What are you planning to do post-college?" I can only say that I'm planning on going to grad school but the key word there is "planning." I think that word scares me, it is synonymous with "never guaranteed." You can control certain things leading up to something you want in the future but after that it's all up to fate to see where you will end up. However, all those countless hours of preparation and careful planning can be unraveled by a single, cruel twist of fate. It's like watching a model airplane that you just finished accidentally get stepped on by your little brother. You dedicate so much time to every little details, perfecting each and every part. It was perfect in every aspect. A symbol of your hard work and patience. Yet, you could not avoid the tragedy of it being destroyed. Moments like these often lead us to question why things like this happens. It's too unfair. It only leads to sadness, confusion, and anger.
Despite the fact that fate can be cruel, I think it is very important that we realize that when one door closes, several others swing wide open. The problem is that our gaze too fixed upon that single closed door that we fail to notice the other doors that are open. One of the biggest inspiration stories of my life is the life story of my dad. He went to UCI (like me!) for undergraduate school where he excelled in most of his classes. He was an aspiring pre-med student who is the son of a renowned heart surgeon from a small town in Sacramento. His parents pushed him to become a doctor and he openly accepted the challenges, preparing his entire life to become a doctor and only a doctor. Fourth year of college swings by and he scored decently on his MCAT, had an impressive GPA, an equally impressive resume, and an abundance of volunteer and research hours. He applied to 30-something medical schools. He received 30-something rejection letters. He was confused at first as to why he didn't receive a single acceptance letter, but then he decided move forward and see what other options he had available. He was accepted to UCLA's public health graduate program and he then went to work for the FDA until he resigned from the FDA and started his own pharmaceutical consulting business. Now he just as successful, if not more, as a doctor and he still is working in the medical field doing the things that he loves.
Stories like those are inspirational to me. It provides me a beacon of light in a room full of darkness. Those stories are solid proof that you can find success in failures. Sometimes those twist of fate and failures can be a blessing in disguise. I guess a analogy that works for me is failures can be like cough medicine, hard to swallow but in the end it will only help you.
A little bit of inspiration for those who follow my blog...
Despite the fact that fate can be cruel, I think it is very important that we realize that when one door closes, several others swing wide open. The problem is that our gaze too fixed upon that single closed door that we fail to notice the other doors that are open. One of the biggest inspiration stories of my life is the life story of my dad. He went to UCI (like me!) for undergraduate school where he excelled in most of his classes. He was an aspiring pre-med student who is the son of a renowned heart surgeon from a small town in Sacramento. His parents pushed him to become a doctor and he openly accepted the challenges, preparing his entire life to become a doctor and only a doctor. Fourth year of college swings by and he scored decently on his MCAT, had an impressive GPA, an equally impressive resume, and an abundance of volunteer and research hours. He applied to 30-something medical schools. He received 30-something rejection letters. He was confused at first as to why he didn't receive a single acceptance letter, but then he decided move forward and see what other options he had available. He was accepted to UCLA's public health graduate program and he then went to work for the FDA until he resigned from the FDA and started his own pharmaceutical consulting business. Now he just as successful, if not more, as a doctor and he still is working in the medical field doing the things that he loves.
Stories like those are inspirational to me. It provides me a beacon of light in a room full of darkness. Those stories are solid proof that you can find success in failures. Sometimes those twist of fate and failures can be a blessing in disguise. I guess a analogy that works for me is failures can be like cough medicine, hard to swallow but in the end it will only help you.
A little bit of inspiration for those who follow my blog...
Friday, February 20, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Carpe Diem!
It has certainly been a long time since I wrote here, but I finally found some time to bust out a cup of tea and write amid the chaos that has been going on.
It's funny reading my last post on here. I was quite bitter and pretty pissed off and I will say that things haven't gotten any better, but I'm now learning how to get a hold of my life now and fix things.
First thing first, I finished all my application stuff!!!!! Woohoo! Although I barely made the GPA for most of the things that I applied for I was still lucky enough to able apply for them.Right now I'm going to test my luck and see if I can get the RA position, however, I don't think I performed as well as I could have for my personal interview but then again I always get really nervous and kind of awkward during interview scenarios. The interview for SPOP returner was really interesting this time around. I still felt like a newbie applying for SPOP when I walked into that room, but it helped me become more comfortable interviewing with people I knew this time around. Again I walked away from the interview amazed by their answers and I am hoping that they all get returner because in my opinion they deserve it. That interview made me miss being around the Gold year staffers this year. They were always so encouraging and just so...so inspirational. I learned so much from each and every staffer and every moment spent with them have helped me discover more and more about myself. I have said it time after time, but being a gold year SPOP staffer has been a huge blessing and an amazing experience.
Now onto my life...it's still not pretty. School is just becoming harder and harder by the second. Classes are getting harder to pay attention in, the coursework is harder, keeping up with the reading is becoming harder; life as a college student is just becoming hard in general. Hopefully that is going to change when I change majors because after last quarter I realized that I don't really like biology as much as I thought I did. I forced myself to like something that I really had little passion for and now I am suffering the consequences. This is one hard lesson I learned from this year, always pursue your passions. Forget all the "cons" of following that passion, if you really loved whatever you are pursuing you should only see the "pros." In fact, if it is truly your passion, you don't need to follow some sort of path to get there; you will find a way there. For me, I want to be a physical therapist but being a bio major is not the path I want to take to get there. I realized a year too late that I should have been in some other major than take the bio route to grad school. Yes being a bio major will help me because it opens up the doors for me but at same time, do I really love what I am studying? For me it's no, so why in the world am I in that major? I should of came into UCI as an Undeclared and keep my options open, instead I opted to be like all my friends and be a bio major. However, that's all "I should of..." instead of "What can I do now?" which is the attitude I should have. As Master Oogway so brilliantly put it, "The past is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called a present." For a children movie, Kung Fu Panda has a lot of insightful and meaningful material and I highly recommend it.
As far as where I stand in my ministry, I still don't know where I belong. It's the worst feeling for me. I see so many familiar faces but at same time I don't really recognize them at all. It is becoming increasingly hard for me to connect with a lot of the people in the Edge. By myself, I am not a really good initiator (this is most likely reason why I don't have a girlfriend by now) and I guess that is something that you need to be able to do to establish strong relationships in the Edge. Whenever I go to the large meetings, I feel like a newcomer to the Edge instead as a member of the Edge for one year. It is just a weird feeling and I just don't feel as comfortable as I used to be. Even at the winter retreat I felt alone and by myself almost the entire time. Well, I guess it is partly my fault why I am a little detached from that group of friends yet something is just really bugging me about the Edge but I can't figure it out. Like I said earlier, the Edge is an amazing ministry that has all the potential in the world to something well beyond great. I don't know what is bugging me about it but I really hope I can find out what it is soon.
On the brighter note, I realized that a lot of the answers and miracles we ask and seek are right in front of us this entire time. We can be those answers and miracles we ask for. Everyone has the potential to be great, just some don't know it yet. It took me almost 19 years to realized that I can make a difference and I have the ability to do it. God provides us with the opportunities all the time, we are sometimes too blind to notice. We all are special and we all can contribute in ways that many others cannot. In Marianne Williamson's "Our Deepest Fear," she said that "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." We don't need to worry about what others think about us because in the end, that will only hinder us not help us. Once we overcome that feeling, who knows what we are capable of doing. The greatest leaders of all time were the ones not afraid to stand up from the crowd. They knew that a lot of the public will disagree with them but they did it anyways. They became the answers and miracles they were asking for. So I guess what I am trying to say here is seize the moment when the oppoturnity is presented.
It's funny reading my last post on here. I was quite bitter and pretty pissed off and I will say that things haven't gotten any better, but I'm now learning how to get a hold of my life now and fix things.
First thing first, I finished all my application stuff!!!!! Woohoo! Although I barely made the GPA for most of the things that I applied for I was still lucky enough to able apply for them.Right now I'm going to test my luck and see if I can get the RA position, however, I don't think I performed as well as I could have for my personal interview but then again I always get really nervous and kind of awkward during interview scenarios. The interview for SPOP returner was really interesting this time around. I still felt like a newbie applying for SPOP when I walked into that room, but it helped me become more comfortable interviewing with people I knew this time around. Again I walked away from the interview amazed by their answers and I am hoping that they all get returner because in my opinion they deserve it. That interview made me miss being around the Gold year staffers this year. They were always so encouraging and just so...so inspirational. I learned so much from each and every staffer and every moment spent with them have helped me discover more and more about myself. I have said it time after time, but being a gold year SPOP staffer has been a huge blessing and an amazing experience.
Now onto my life...it's still not pretty. School is just becoming harder and harder by the second. Classes are getting harder to pay attention in, the coursework is harder, keeping up with the reading is becoming harder; life as a college student is just becoming hard in general. Hopefully that is going to change when I change majors because after last quarter I realized that I don't really like biology as much as I thought I did. I forced myself to like something that I really had little passion for and now I am suffering the consequences. This is one hard lesson I learned from this year, always pursue your passions. Forget all the "cons" of following that passion, if you really loved whatever you are pursuing you should only see the "pros." In fact, if it is truly your passion, you don't need to follow some sort of path to get there; you will find a way there. For me, I want to be a physical therapist but being a bio major is not the path I want to take to get there. I realized a year too late that I should have been in some other major than take the bio route to grad school. Yes being a bio major will help me because it opens up the doors for me but at same time, do I really love what I am studying? For me it's no, so why in the world am I in that major? I should of came into UCI as an Undeclared and keep my options open, instead I opted to be like all my friends and be a bio major. However, that's all "I should of..." instead of "What can I do now?" which is the attitude I should have. As Master Oogway so brilliantly put it, "The past is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called a present." For a children movie, Kung Fu Panda has a lot of insightful and meaningful material and I highly recommend it.
As far as where I stand in my ministry, I still don't know where I belong. It's the worst feeling for me. I see so many familiar faces but at same time I don't really recognize them at all. It is becoming increasingly hard for me to connect with a lot of the people in the Edge. By myself, I am not a really good initiator (this is most likely reason why I don't have a girlfriend by now) and I guess that is something that you need to be able to do to establish strong relationships in the Edge. Whenever I go to the large meetings, I feel like a newcomer to the Edge instead as a member of the Edge for one year. It is just a weird feeling and I just don't feel as comfortable as I used to be. Even at the winter retreat I felt alone and by myself almost the entire time. Well, I guess it is partly my fault why I am a little detached from that group of friends yet something is just really bugging me about the Edge but I can't figure it out. Like I said earlier, the Edge is an amazing ministry that has all the potential in the world to something well beyond great. I don't know what is bugging me about it but I really hope I can find out what it is soon.
On the brighter note, I realized that a lot of the answers and miracles we ask and seek are right in front of us this entire time. We can be those answers and miracles we ask for. Everyone has the potential to be great, just some don't know it yet. It took me almost 19 years to realized that I can make a difference and I have the ability to do it. God provides us with the opportunities all the time, we are sometimes too blind to notice. We all are special and we all can contribute in ways that many others cannot. In Marianne Williamson's "Our Deepest Fear," she said that "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." We don't need to worry about what others think about us because in the end, that will only hinder us not help us. Once we overcome that feeling, who knows what we are capable of doing. The greatest leaders of all time were the ones not afraid to stand up from the crowd. They knew that a lot of the public will disagree with them but they did it anyways. They became the answers and miracles they were asking for. So I guess what I am trying to say here is seize the moment when the oppoturnity is presented.
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