I Don't Want to Grow Up

I'm starting to feel the consequences of growing up and I kind of dislike it a lot. All these bill for things that I didn't even know that I had to pay for, I need to start planning for my future, realizing that there is such thing as an easy life, etc. This past week for me and people around me has been a downer. I had three midterms in a span of two days and I believed I did really on all those tests only to find out that I hit the mean. It really sucks because it makes me wonder if I am really no better than average. Each year I have tried to study harder yet my grades has yet to show any kind of improvement. Those midterms are only part of the puzzle that contributed a pretty negative week. Today I found out that my roommates and I were ripped off because our T.V. broke today and the repairman said the problem has been there for a while but the guy who sold it to us said it was perfectly fine. Today I found out that someone I knew passed away. There a bunch of other things that went wrong this week but I’ll just start ranting about how much I hate certain things.

All these events really make start looking at where I am in life and I realized I need to really evaluate where I stand and start making decisions that will affect me for the rest of my life. I've been living my life so far carefree with the belief that good things will happen as long as I try. However, my wake-up call has not been pleasant and it's somewhat depressing. I'm watching people I know graduate college and start the careers and some friends I know are developing relationship into something that will most likely end up in marriage. It's funny that when I was little all I wanted to is grow up, but now here I am on brink of "growing up" and I don't want to. I think it is because I'm afraid what lies for me in the future.

I was told that I'll grow up and do great things, but what if those things don't happen? What if I am just average? To be honest, I really don't know what my talents are. I'm not the most athletic guy, I'm not the smartest guy, nor am I artistic. Heck, I have the most rotten luck with girls. So where does that put me? I honestly have no clue, people say that I am capable of great things but can I truly tap into that "potential" and do those "great things?" So far academically, it seems that no matter how hard I try, I will always hit that wall that prevents me from performing well. There seems to be a wall for just about everything I attempt to be good at which really makes me wonder what am I supposed to be good at if everything I do ends up with me either being mediocre or failing. Before I used to be able to live my life carefree, but now I am very afraid of what lies next for me because the days of my youth are coming to an end and I really need to evaluate my life and figure out what I need to do with the rest of my life.

I want to go to Disneyland...it's so happy there.