What is School?

I had the worst feeling after a midterm on Friday. I was so filled with fear of how bad I did on the midterm mixed with anger, I couldn't focus for the rest of the day and the worst part was that it was a morning midterm so I was forced to try and appear happy and normal when I was with friends. The only thing on my mind was get away from this place called school. I wanted to go home.

I really needed an escape from school, a retreat to recollect myself and recover from the overload of stress stemming from school. While listening to some Hawaiian music (I don't know why, but Hawaiian music always seem to calm me down) I began to ask myself what is school to me. On one hand, school can be considered a pain in the ass process that we must endure in order to receive a piece of paper that says that we have survived however many years we spent in college and are now officially "educated" citizens. On the other hand, school can be considered an amazing environment where we can learn as much as we want and whatever we want.

My views of school are more closely associated with the first view as I often find myself trying to endure classes rather than enjoy them. I am constantly stressed about my classes that thought of me enjoying what I am learning never once crossed my mind. It really bugs me that I came to college to learn, yet I hate the process of learning so far. I don't get why I pour all my effort and time to memorize things that I will only remember for a test and the moment the test is over all my efforts spent over the past few days will disappear. I have this wonderful opportunity that not everyone is blessed to have and I take it for granted. I could be learning new things about science, culture, and the English language every time I walk into a lecture. Instead I attend lectures just in case there is a random pop quiz or i-clicker question. I don't go to lectures to learn but I go for the sake of being there. I don't get why as much I try to enjoy learning I always end up disliking the process of learning even more. I am presented a wonderful opportunity to learn something new everyday and I am squandering it one second at a time. I think it's time I find a way to change my views of school so I can enjoy my remaining years here at UCI.

Thanks for the Prayers!

I am happy to say that my friend was released from the hospital a couple of days ago and he says he is feeling as healthy as he ever was. Thank you so much for everyone who has prayed for him and thank God he is able to walk away from this as if nothing ever happened.

On the side note, I was watching Anastasia with my sister this weekend and it was strange re-watching a movie that I watched as a child now. The music from the movie is the thing that really impressed me. The entire soundtrack for Anastasia is simply amazing and I began to fall in love with it. The first verse of Journey to the Past was something that I can relate to and it pretty much summarizes what I am feeling right now with all the things going on in my life.

Heart don't fail me now,
Courage don't desert me,
Don't turn back now that we're here.
People always say,
Life is full of choices,
No one ever mentions fear.
Or how the world can seem so vast
-"Journey to the Past" Liz Callaway

Prayer request

I just received a phone call from my friend that one of my friend has just been rushed to the hospital due to an irregular heart condition. According to her, this may be a fatal condition. I couldn't even talk to my friend when she was telling me about him, I was in a state of shock. This is too unbelievable because I saw him this Friday and he was fine, but to hear that he may have a fatal condition now...I don't know what to say. I can only do one thing; pray. Pray that I will see him again. I am asking everyone who reads this entry to please consider my friend in your prayers and that he will be fine in the end. Thank you so much.