Closer by ODM

There we were, tenth grade in the hallways
I must admit you were the finest thing in all ways
Every day I used to walk you to class, do you remember that?
We used to make each other laugh and had each others back
We had the same birthdays and shared the same dreams
You used to love when I treated you for ice cream
Saturdays, we would meet up at the movies
It was you, your little sister, and your home girl Lucy
I used to trip when you would always be with me
Cause your mom would get mad when I would send you home with hickies
And if she ever caught me around the house
You’d be grounded for a month without a phone to call out
Now, thats okay, we would meet up at the benches
See it was all good when I didn’t have detention
And if I didn’t mention we were friends from the start
There was nothing in the way that ever keep us apart

Closer and closer, after all this time (so close baby)
You’re still in my life (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
And over and over, your love stays on my mind (you’re on my mind girl)
The memory of you still shines

I wont forget the day when you went off to college
You had big dreams and you were out to seek the knowledge
I had a record deal, we started doing shows
And you wouldn’t even trip when girls would pull on my clothes
We saved our money and bought a house up out the neighborhood
And now we’re happy here together and it’s all good
Inbetween the sheets covered up real close
And making love is what you love doing real most
You said you wanted one kid, I said I wanted two
A boy and girl, and that would equal me and you
Sharing dreams while caught up in this moonlight
I never argued and never once caused a fight
Respect was the main key to our relation
Going on trips and spending three week vacations
We lived it up like real lovers were supposed to do
Now come here lady, I wanna get close to you

Closer and closer, after all this time (so close baby)
You’re still in my life (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
And over and over, your love stays on my mind (you’re on my mind girl)
The memory of you still shines

It’s been a long twenty years now and we got plenty more
And ain’t no telling what the future has for us in store
A couple more kids or maybe even grandchildren
See little ODM’s growing up making millions
Making us proud while our name will live on forever
Same club, one mind, it’ll come together
Remaining strong, as strong as our familia
Mi amor, mi corazon, y mi vida

After all these years and after all these tears
The memory of you still shines
After all these years and after all these tears
The memory of you still shines

*The lyrics in this song are beautiful.*

My mom says I need a girlfriend...

Today was a nice day for Mother's Day. I got to see my family today and had a great time spending a part of my day with my family. It's always refreshing to be able to spend some quality time with the family. However, my parents keep on teasing/asking me the same thing every time I see them; do I have a girlfriend yet or asked a girl out on a date? I guess my parents aren't very Chinese in the sense that they are pushing for me to get a girlfriend but I want to have a girl in my life as much as they do. Seeing my mom and dad interact and listening to their stories about how they met made me realize that I need to be much more proactive in my pursuit of finding the "one."

The thing that bugs me the most is that I watched all of the girls I had crushes on form relationships with other guys (some of them being my friend). I don't harbor any bitter feelings about them being together. As long as they're happy and the guys are treating them properly I'm happy but seeing them together always makes me wonder why did I not make a move first. It happened so many times that I literally lost count. I would spend so much time with a girl I had a crush developing our friendship but I could never find a way to express my interest to her. Thus, I always get to the point of being good friends with her but that's as far as our relationship goes which is not necessarily a bad thing either.

I realized over the past few days that I simply don't know how to express my feelings to a girl even if I wanted to. I tried doing that in the past recently and it was an absolute disaster. I didn't know what to say, when is the right moment, or how to even approach the topic and that created a huge mess. I guess I'm supposed to learn from this experience but honestly I rather skip that whole experience (looking back, I don't even know what to fix). Plus, I didn't get a definitive yes or no (her response was almost as confusing compared to what I said). Another thing that was bothering me was do I really like her as much as I believe to or am I simply lying to myself? I don't want to use a relationship to answer that question because I don't see a point in being with someone you don't see yourself spending, potentially, the rest of your life with.

P.s. I don't know why I'm sharing this publicly...This just makes me look sad which is what I don't want, so here's a distracting picture.

What am I doing with my life?

I always have a tendency to blog before any of my tests. I don't know if it is because it helps me relax before a test or I'm using blogging as an excuse to not study and procrastinate which I shouldn't do. I think it's the former because I feel much more at ease after typing up a whole entry.

So, this has been a recurrent theme throughout my blog but recently I began to think about my future again. There is always an aspect of uncertainty along with a certain aspect of control. We have the ability to influence certain events that will happen in the future but whether or not we get the results that we want is completely dependent on God. There are certain things that we can get through hard work such as good grades from studying hard, but there are other things were we simply don't have control. From personal experience, I applied for SPOP returner and I felt like my interview went well and I know that 4/5 of the coordinators know me personally. Yet, I didn't get picked so it raises one question; why? I simply believe that God did not want me to spend this summer with SPOP. Am I blaming God for not getting accepted to SPOP? No. I already got to spend one wonderful summer with the program and it was a blessing. Besides, I don't really need SPOP to "make a difference" in this world, I can do that on my own by doing the simple things to make the world a nicer place and hope that people will do the same. All this talk about the future spawned from an online conversation I had with a friend.

I'm going to call her Carly for the sake of anonymity, but she was contemplating which major she was going to switch into. The reason for Carly's switch was simple; she's believed that her current major was not suited for her and she believed that God has called her to do something else even more grand than her original plan. Listening to her talk about what major to switch into and how those majors will help her be able to pursue something that God has planned for her was simply amazing. It's funny because some people are able to figure out exactly what God's plans are for them while other people (like me) wait for years and still haven't gotten a clear understanding of what God has called for us to do.

In all honesty, I'm not even sure what I am currently pursuing is what God wants for me. I know I want it, but does it lines up with God's plans for me? That I won't know until I get a strong "No" from Him. In a sense, I don't spend much time listening to Him (I know that's not a good thing and it is something I need to improve on) rather I go with what my heart tells me and trust that what I want is what He wants.

Who knows what I may do in the future after college, it's a big world out there and there are so many options to choose so let's just hope I can make all the right decisions. Now back to studying about human stress.

*This song has nothing to do with this post, but I like it. The music video is so happy!