Today was a nice day for Mother's Day. I got to see my family today and had a great time spending a part of my day with my family. It's always refreshing to be able to spend some quality time with the family. However, my parents keep on teasing/asking me the same thing every time I see them; do I have a girlfriend yet or asked a girl out on a date? I guess my parents aren't very Chinese in the sense that they are pushing for me to get a girlfriend but I want to have a girl in my life as much as they do. Seeing my mom and dad interact and listening to their stories about how they met made me realize that I need to be much more proactive in my pursuit of finding the "one."
The thing that bugs me the most is that I watched all of the girls I had crushes on form relationships with other guys (some of them being my friend). I don't harbor any bitter feelings about them being together. As long as they're happy and the guys are treating them properly I'm happy but seeing them together always makes me wonder why did I not make a move first. It happened so many times that I literally lost count. I would spend so much time with a girl I had a crush developing our friendship but I could never find a way to express my interest to her. Thus, I always get to the point of being good friends with her but that's as far as our relationship goes which is not necessarily a bad thing either.
I realized over the past few days that I simply don't know how to express my feelings to a girl even if I wanted to. I tried doing that in the past recently and it was an absolute disaster. I didn't know what to say, when is the right moment, or how to even approach the topic and that created a huge mess. I guess I'm supposed to learn from this experience but honestly I rather skip that whole experience (looking back, I don't even know what to fix). Plus, I didn't get a definitive yes or no (her response was almost as confusing compared to what I said). Another thing that was bothering me was do I really like her as much as I believe to or am I simply lying to myself? I don't want to use a relationship to answer that question because I don't see a point in being with someone you don't see yourself spending, potentially, the rest of your life with.
P.s. I don't know why I'm sharing this publicly...This just makes me look sad which is what I don't want, so here's a distracting picture.
No comments:
Post a Comment