What am I doing with my life?

I always have a tendency to blog before any of my tests. I don't know if it is because it helps me relax before a test or I'm using blogging as an excuse to not study and procrastinate which I shouldn't do. I think it's the former because I feel much more at ease after typing up a whole entry.

So, this has been a recurrent theme throughout my blog but recently I began to think about my future again. There is always an aspect of uncertainty along with a certain aspect of control. We have the ability to influence certain events that will happen in the future but whether or not we get the results that we want is completely dependent on God. There are certain things that we can get through hard work such as good grades from studying hard, but there are other things were we simply don't have control. From personal experience, I applied for SPOP returner and I felt like my interview went well and I know that 4/5 of the coordinators know me personally. Yet, I didn't get picked so it raises one question; why? I simply believe that God did not want me to spend this summer with SPOP. Am I blaming God for not getting accepted to SPOP? No. I already got to spend one wonderful summer with the program and it was a blessing. Besides, I don't really need SPOP to "make a difference" in this world, I can do that on my own by doing the simple things to make the world a nicer place and hope that people will do the same. All this talk about the future spawned from an online conversation I had with a friend.

I'm going to call her Carly for the sake of anonymity, but she was contemplating which major she was going to switch into. The reason for Carly's switch was simple; she's believed that her current major was not suited for her and she believed that God has called her to do something else even more grand than her original plan. Listening to her talk about what major to switch into and how those majors will help her be able to pursue something that God has planned for her was simply amazing. It's funny because some people are able to figure out exactly what God's plans are for them while other people (like me) wait for years and still haven't gotten a clear understanding of what God has called for us to do.

In all honesty, I'm not even sure what I am currently pursuing is what God wants for me. I know I want it, but does it lines up with God's plans for me? That I won't know until I get a strong "No" from Him. In a sense, I don't spend much time listening to Him (I know that's not a good thing and it is something I need to improve on) rather I go with what my heart tells me and trust that what I want is what He wants.

Who knows what I may do in the future after college, it's a big world out there and there are so many options to choose so let's just hope I can make all the right decisions. Now back to studying about human stress.

*This song has nothing to do with this post, but I like it. The music video is so happy!