The Goal Isn't To Live Forever.

Come All You Weary by Thrice

2011-12-06T02:11:00.001-08:00

Come all you weary with your heavy loads
Lay down your burdens, find rest for your souls
My yoke is easy and my burden is kind
I'll take yours upon me and you can take mine

Come all you weary who move through the earth
Who've been spurned at fine restaurants and kicked out of church
I've got a couple of loaves so sit down at my feet
Lend me your ears and we'll break bread and eat

Come all you weary
Come gather 'round near me
Find rest for your souls

Come all you weary, you crippled, you lame
I'll help you along; you can lay down your canes
We've got a long way to go but we'll travel as friends
The light's growing bright, further up, further in

Come all you weary
Come gather 'round near me
Find rest for your souls
Rest for your souls

Come all you weary
Come gather 'round near me
Come all you weary
Come gather 'round near me
Find rest for your souls
Rest for your souls

-Thrice

What continues to amaze me about this band is the incredible depth and message of their lyrics. It haven't realized until now that these guys actually did help me a lot when I was struggling with my relationship with God and helping me understand things that I just couldn't understand. While the music may not have had a clear cut "you life sucks because of this" kind of message, it did help me retain hope and give me confidence I could see things through. This song in particular will probably be forever associated with my "troubled" second year of college. The song and lyrics are so simple yet the message is unique and powerful. It's comforting to know that regardless of what kind of struggles I may be facing, there will always be some form of support for me and I should never view any task as impossible, they just appear impossible to the rational mind. Which brings me to my next point, I need to constantly remind myself that there is no humanely way that I will truly be able to comprehend all the events going on around me.

God Bless.

The Return

2011-11-30T00:29:00.001-08:00

Tumblr got a little too boring. No creativity left there, just people constantly posting stuff that other people re-blogged who re-blogged from another person who re-blogged from another person who got that info from a website or magazine (I'm guilty of this as well, but I tried).

Well, I've returned to a strange (sleek and sexy? maybe) blogspot. Back to writing more posts about my life.

....This already feels better.

Discovered a New Favorite Band

2010-10-25T23:29:00.000-07:00

Explosions in the Sky is the name of the new favorite band. They are simply unbelievable and it has been a while since I heard music like this.

Untitled

2010-09-14T02:46:00.000-07:00

Getting screwed over and letting your chances slip away f***ing sucks. Alcohol, you are about to become my best friend for tonight.

A Prayer Answered with an Answer to a Prayer

2010-08-09T00:52:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago I was pulled over by a cop for making an illegal maneuver around 2:00 a.m. I was DD for the night and I was trying to get my friends back home safely and I freaking got pulled over by a cop. The entire time that I was sitting in my car I was either worried to death that I was going to get my second ticket or silently hoping that God would hear my prayers and let me drive away with just a warning. When the cop asked finished looking at my driver's license and vehicle registration she let me get off with a warning. God has heard my prayers; thank God.

For a while, I have always wondered if God would ever answer my prayer about how and when He answers prayers and now I know. He does it on his time even if it takes three, long years of asking.

2010-07-10T22:12:00.001-07:00

TEN MORE FREAKING DAYS!!!

2010-06-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

I have been waiting four, long years for these these 30 days.

Closer by ODM

2010-05-24T23:44:00.000-07:00

There we were, tenth grade in the hallways
I must admit you were the finest thing in all ways
Every day I used to walk you to class, do you remember that?
We used to make each other laugh and had each others back
We had the same birthdays and shared the same dreams
You used to love when I treated you for ice cream
Saturdays, we would meet up at the movies
It was you, your little sister, and your home girl Lucy
I used to trip when you would always be with me
Cause your mom would get mad when I would send you home with hickies
And if she ever caught me around the house
You’d be grounded for a month without a phone to call out
Now, thats okay, we would meet up at the benches
See it was all good when I didn’t have detention
And if I didn’t mention we were friends from the start
There was nothing in the way that ever keep us apart

Closer and closer, after all this time (so close baby)
You’re still in my life (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
And over and over, your love stays on my mind (you’re on my mind girl)
The memory of you still shines

I wont forget the day when you went off to college
You had big dreams and you were out to seek the knowledge
I had a record deal, we started doing shows
And you wouldn’t even trip when girls would pull on my clothes
We saved our money and bought a house up out the neighborhood
And now we’re happy here together and it’s all good
Inbetween the sheets covered up real close
And making love is what you love doing real most
You said you wanted one kid, I said I wanted two
A boy and girl, and that would equal me and you
Sharing dreams while caught up in this moonlight
I never argued and never once caused a fight
Respect was the main key to our relation
Going on trips and spending three week vacations
We lived it up like real lovers were supposed to do
Now come here lady, I wanna get close to you

Closer and closer, after all this time (so close baby)
You’re still in my life (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
And over and over, your love stays on my mind (you’re on my mind girl)
The memory of you still shines

It’s been a long twenty years now and we got plenty more
And ain’t no telling what the future has for us in store
A couple more kids or maybe even grandchildren
See little ODM’s growing up making millions
Making us proud while our name will live on forever
Same club, one mind, it’ll come together
Remaining strong, as strong as our familia
Mi amor, mi corazon, y mi vida

After all these years and after all these tears
The memory of you still shines
After all these years and after all these tears
The memory of you still shines

*The lyrics in this song are beautiful.*

My mom says I need a girlfriend...

2010-05-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

Today was a nice day for Mother's Day. I got to see my family today and had a great time spending a part of my day with my family. It's always refreshing to be able to spend some quality time with the family. However, my parents keep on teasing/asking me the same thing every time I see them; do I have a girlfriend yet or asked a girl out on a date? I guess my parents aren't very Chinese in the sense that they are pushing for me to get a girlfriend but I want to have a girl in my life as much as they do. Seeing my mom and dad interact and listening to their stories about how they met made me realize that I need to be much more proactive in my pursuit of finding the "one."

The thing that bugs me the most is that I watched all of the girls I had crushes on form relationships with other guys (some of them being my friend). I don't harbor any bitter feelings about them being together. As long as they're happy and the guys are treating them properly I'm happy but seeing them together always makes me wonder why did I not make a move first. It happened so many times that I literally lost count. I would spend so much time with a girl I had a crush developing our friendship but I could never find a way to express my interest to her. Thus, I always get to the point of being good friends with her but that's as far as our relationship goes which is not necessarily a bad thing either.

I realized over the past few days that I simply don't know how to express my feelings to a girl even if I wanted to. I tried doing that in the past recently and it was an absolute disaster. I didn't know what to say, when is the right moment, or how to even approach the topic and that created a huge mess. I guess I'm supposed to learn from this experience but honestly I rather skip that whole experience (looking back, I don't even know what to fix). Plus, I didn't get a definitive yes or no (her response was almost as confusing compared to what I said). Another thing that was bothering me was do I really like her as much as I believe to or am I simply lying to myself? I don't want to use a relationship to answer that question because I don't see a point in being with someone you don't see yourself spending, potentially, the rest of your life with.

P.s. I don't know why I'm sharing this publicly...This just makes me look sad which is what I don't want, so here's a distracting picture.

What am I doing with my life?

2010-05-03T18:22:00.000-07:00

I always have a tendency to blog before any of my tests. I don't know if it is because it helps me relax before a test or I'm using blogging as an excuse to not study and procrastinate which I shouldn't do. I think it's the former because I feel much more at ease after typing up a whole entry.

So, this has been a recurrent theme throughout my blog but recently I began to think about my future again. There is always an aspect of uncertainty along with a certain aspect of control. We have the ability to influence certain events that will happen in the future but whether or not we get the results that we want is completely dependent on God. There are certain things that we can get through hard work such as good grades from studying hard, but there are other things were we simply don't have control. From personal experience, I applied for SPOP returner and I felt like my interview went well and I know that 4/5 of the coordinators know me personally. Yet, I didn't get picked so it raises one question; why? I simply believe that God did not want me to spend this summer with SPOP. Am I blaming God for not getting accepted to SPOP? No. I already got to spend one wonderful summer with the program and it was a blessing. Besides, I don't really need SPOP to "make a difference" in this world, I can do that on my own by doing the simple things to make the world a nicer place and hope that people will do the same. All this talk about the future spawned from an online conversation I had with a friend.

I'm going to call her Carly for the sake of anonymity, but she was contemplating which major she was going to switch into. The reason for Carly's switch was simple; she's believed that her current major was not suited for her and she believed that God has called her to do something else even more grand than her original plan. Listening to her talk about what major to switch into and how those majors will help her be able to pursue something that God has planned for her was simply amazing. It's funny because some people are able to figure out exactly what God's plans are for them while other people (like me) wait for years and still haven't gotten a clear understanding of what God has called for us to do.

In all honesty, I'm not even sure what I am currently pursuing is what God wants for me. I know I want it, but does it lines up with God's plans for me? That I won't know until I get a strong "No" from Him. In a sense, I don't spend much time listening to Him (I know that's not a good thing and it is something I need to improve on) rather I go with what my heart tells me and trust that what I want is what He wants.

Who knows what I may do in the future after college, it's a big world out there and there are so many options to choose so let's just hope I can make all the right decisions. Now back to studying about human stress.

*This song has nothing to do with this post, but I like it. The music video is so happy!

Audience of One

2010-03-28T00:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote something meaningful in my blog. I recently got a Tumblr account and I've been using it to post the random thoughts or things I find interesting instead of posting them here. I've grown very attached to this blog and I believe it would benefit me more if I used this blog as a medium for my thoughts. Which brings up this little question that was bugging me today. Why do I continue to write in this blog?

I'm actually really shy in contrast to outgoing personality some people think I have. So it wouldn't make any sense why I am willing to share some things that I would normally consider personal on an online blog that anyone can read. Granted I can make it a private blog but for some reason I just don't bother keeping my privacy. Instead I write my thoughts and events in my life like an open book for everyone to read. So what is my motivation to continue writing in this blog?

I used to have this conceited belief that some people were interested about things in my life and I relied on the comments that people would leave on some of my posts as affirmation. But after this past couple of quarters I realized that this blog help me learn something about myself. I love to write, read, and learn. I love the idea and image of school being a environment where learning is encouraged, but I hate the concept of school being an institution forcing us to learn.

I enjoy writing in this blog because I'm not writing to impress a professor or someone else, I'm writing for me. I always enjoyed the process of creative writing but I always hated receiving my papers and judging the quality of my paper based on one letter/number/fraction that is often found in red and circled. I love reading and learning but I hate studying. Studying is forces me to cram information into my heads when I know it is very likely I may forget the information that I've just learned after the test. Yet, some of the things I learn from my classes in school are simply mind-blowing and I want to know more without time becoming a constraint or an issue. This blog gives me the freedom to write whatever I want and not be judged. I could care less if someone is to critique my grammar or vocabulary usage on here; it's MY blog and I have the freedom to write whatever I want.

For the Bboys and Bgirls

2010-03-26T00:17:00.000-07:00

This still blows my mind.

Youthfulness Doesn't Fade

2010-03-14T17:49:00.001-07:00

We can only pretend youth fades with age.

Rejection

2010-03-12T20:39:00.000-08:00

Rejection always hard to swallow especially when it's from something you love. In fact, rejection hurts a lot and there aren't many words that can properly describe it. Today I received my acceptance/rejection e-mail. I wasn't sure if I wanted to open the e-mail but I figured I should open it anyways because I'm bound to find out one way or another. When I opened it, my heart sunk because it was a short e-mail. Short e-mails always mean you got rejected from something, but I read the e-mail anyways.

I've been preparing myself for the rejection these past couple of days but for some reason this hit me a lot harder than I expected it to. I guess that subconsciously I wanted to be a returner a lot more than I realized. Granted I'm still pretty young so I'll have another shot next year but I can't help but wonder what if I don't get it next year either.

What really bugs me is I knew most of the coords but the problem with that is, well, they know me as well. So it raises the question of why did they think I wasn't ready to be a returner. That question has been bugging me a lot these past couple of minutes and I'm having a really hard time coping with it.

I won't lie and say that not getting returner wasn't a big deal to me because it is. I can't really describe how I feel right now; it's a mixture of excitement for the new staffers and returners and some sadness because I won't be able share the experience with them. Life is weird like that. However, I guess the one thing that SPOP has given me that cheered me up today is my love of dance. After reading the e-mail the only thing I wanted to do was dance because I knew it would make me feel better and it would take my mind off the rejection. So that's what I did, I drove out to the ARC and danced away my problems. Dance is the perfect fusion of my love of music and my desire to express myself in an artistic form.

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. " ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Edit: I've been thinking about something...it must of been really hard on the coords to reject people they personally knew. I can't imagine how I would handle that situation.

Rumble Tumble

2010-03-11T16:40:00.000-08:00

So I finally cracked and made a Tumblr account. I'm still going to keep this blog alive but I'm planning to use the Tumblr account for my more random thoughts/pictures/media stuff that I like. I'm planning to use this blog mainly to convey my current thoughts. Sooooo check it....

The World Inside My Head

The Time is Near

2010-03-09T14:12:00.000-08:00

It's tenth week already and I'm still trying to figure out how this quarter went by so fast. I noticed that I've been a little more stressed this past week but I think the stress is the result of a culmination of things rather than my finals causing it. Perhaps the thing that is bugging me the most is the SPOP acceptance/rejection e-mail that I'm expecting.

I really, really want to be become a returner and I was blessed by the fact that I had the chance to be a staffer early in my college experience so I have one more year to try if I don't make it this year. Yet, if I was to receive the rejection letter, I wouldn't know how to react. As I expressed numerous time throughout this blog, I hold SPOP very close to my heart for a variety reasons that are very personal for me. So, if I was to be rejected I can only think that the most logical reason is I didn't meet the coords criteria for a returner. Every SPOP staff is unique in their own way and it's very evident if we were to compare them side-by-side. We'll have some similarities but not very many, so if I didn't make it this year, I simply didn't fit the vision of the coords which is perfectly fine. However, I would be lying to myself if I believed that not making returner is not a big deal. Ever since leaving the program two summers ago, the one thing I wanted to do the most before graduating was to come back to SPOP and be a returner. I owe a lot of my personal growth to the program, so I want to give back and help those who were like me discover their own potential and help them realize it. I miss helping spoppers come to learn and appreciate UCI. The whole experience of SPOP was freaking amazing for me and I really hope that I have the opportunity to do it again.

Now I just have to mentally prepare myself for the rejection because it is very possible that I get it despite how hard I wish for acceptance e-mail. However, it's important for me to realize that I was lucky enough to experience being a staffer once and that I have a bunch of people at UCI that I can call my spoppers. It's a huge blessing to have my spoppers and to be able to still talk to them as friend now. I enjoyed watching them grow these past two years at UCI and become more involved in organizations and activities. I can't wait to see what my spoppers do next and I am very proud of each and everyone of them.

I think I used this quote before but I'm going to use it again as I believe it is very appropriate for what I'm feeling right now.

"There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle." -Albert Einstein

Rafiki the Wise

2010-02-28T23:29:00.000-08:00

Essay

2010-02-25T02:37:00.000-08:00

I noticed that a bunch of my posts (other than the random ones that are rather spontaneous) are really long. I guess I'm starting to like writing a little bit more.

So I present to you guys, whoever may be reading this, a funny irony. Instead of writing my essay I am taking five minutes out of my time to write this post to say that I'm starting to like writing more but I need to write my essay that is due today at midnight.

Awesome picture of the day

Soul Music is the Best

2010-02-22T19:51:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling Pretty Wings by Maxwell for a while now, but I just can't stop listening to this man sing. It's refreshing to see some artists like Maxwell still exist.

This is one of the reason why I love dance: it is one of those art forms that is truly beautiful to watch. I am lucky I got to see this performance live, simply mind blowing.

An Old Crush

2010-02-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

So I was watching Pocahontas today and while watching the movie I remembered I used to have a big crush on her. She's adventurous, smart, pretty, and can sing amazingly well; she's like the perfect girl.

You Can Learn A Lot in College

2010-02-18T21:49:00.000-08:00

In my psychology class we were learning about intelligence and creativity and there was really interesting slide that I would like to share.

Hints to Living a More Creative Life:

-Try to be surprised by something every day

-Try to surprise at least one person every day

-Write down the surprises of each day

-Follow sparked interests

-Wake up in the morning with a specific goal

-Take charge of your schedule

-Spend time in stimulating settings

Stranger in the Laundry Room

2010-02-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

A long time ago when I was still relatively new to blogging I wrote an entry about love and what is love.

You are Loved

What's interesting is I started it with the question of what if someone was to say "You are Loved" and simply walk away. The reason why I say that little bit is interesting is because I was doing my laundry last night and a random lady in the laundry room came up to me and started a very casual conversation with me. Most of the time it was me detailing the little bits of my life as a student and how school is getting tougher and how I am lucky enough to find to time to enjoy life, but as randomly as the conversation began she stands up and ask me this:

"Can I give you a hug?"

Honestly, I didn't know what to do because I hardly knew the woman yet she asked to give me hug so I obliged not knowing what is going to happen. While hugging me she told me "May God bless you," and that she is happy to hear things are not too hard on me.

The rest of the night was weird for me. It's funny because right before I fell asleep and I remembered that entry I wrote a while ago and I realized that the reaction I said I would have is exactly the same reaction I had right after meeting that lady. I don't know if I'll see that lady again, but what I do know is she is very nice lady and is capable of brightening up everyone's day.

Oh how I love random acts of love.

I'll give MTV a little bit of respect...

2010-01-30T00:24:00.000-08:00

So the other day I flipped to MTV and saw this show called The Buried Life and for once it wasn't some garbage TV show on MTV. The Buried Life has a really basic premise of four college friends having a list of things to do before they die but as they accomplish these things on their list they have another goal of helping out one person they meet during their adventures accomplish one thing the random person wants to do before they die. Talk about a random act of kindness. It's really rare to see TV shows today that inspires us, the viewers, to live life to its fullest like these four guys, thus it's really refreshing to watch this show and see how these guys accomplish all the things on their list.

You can check out the list at www.theburiedlife.com. Here's a trailer for the show:

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.” - Albert Einstein

Fortune Cookie

2010-01-25T17:15:00.000-08:00

I was eating at Chinese restaurant the other day and when the time came for me to open my fortune cookie, I was really caught off guard by what the fortune said. The fortune said...

"You may lack the ambition, but not the ability to succeed." -Fortune Cookie

That the first time in my life a fortune cookie actually made me think. Normally the habit for me is to eat a great dinner and then at the end entertain myself with the cheesy and sometimes random fortunes from the fortune cookies. However, this time I was presented with something that really made me think about what I just read. That single quote, in some ways, has been the story of my life. I always hear about this potential that I have, but sometimes I feel like I lack the drive to do anything to help reach that potential.

So, in context with the events that are going on in my life right now, SPOP returner applications are out right now. Ever since I staffed Gold year, I have always aspired to become a returner but I feel like I'm taking a lot longer than I need to fill out my application. I think the one thing that is holding me back is not the fear of being rejected but if I can as amazing as my spmother was. I hate admitting this, but my SPOP family wasn't as nearly as cohesive as we could have been. Granted we had our moments, I felt like that a lot of our family members were MIA at times. Although, I am extremely grateful that I was able to spend time with the other returners and my own spmother and had the opportunity learn so much from them. Now that I'm thinking about it, perhaps my biggest fear is I won't be able to provide as much wisdom and knowledge to the new staffers as compared to the returners that I aspired to be like. It's just so hard for me to imagine myself as a returner because I respect them so much. Whenever I talk to them, I always end up not wanting to end the conversation because I always learn something new and they continue to impress me with their knowledge.

After thinking about the application this past hour, I think I should go through with it and if I make staff this year, I'll make sure I'll do my damn best to help pass on everything I learned from my returners to the new staffers this year.

On the side note....

CONGRATU-FREAKIN-LATIONS to Walter and Lisa on your engagement!!!!! You guys are amazing and I wish you guys the best!

A Fond Farewell to the Decade...and 2009.

2010-01-10T21:10:00.000-08:00

It's almost mind-boggling to me that I've been alive for two decades now. It's almost just as hard to believe that another year has gone by so quickly. Although it's a little late for a New Years resolution post I'm going to post mine anyways...

-Work out more (so far, so good)
-Study harder for my classes and be more focused in classes.
-Take more time to appreciate my blessings and enjoy my life. You only get to live it once
-Continue to dance and improve as much as I can
-Enjoy the time spent with friends as it is getting harder every year to have quality time with them

Time is flying by and I life just keeps on getting more interesting. As corny as it sounds, everyday is a brand new adventure and I just can't wait to see what this year has to offer me!

Happy New Years!

*This song has me mesmerized...Ever since I heard it on (500) Days of Summer, an excellent movie, I can't stop listening to it

All You Need is Love

2009-12-28T14:35:00.000-08:00

As we are well-aware of, I have this infatuation with love. As I was roaming the internet I came across an amazing video. It's part of some Starbucks project to help fight AIDS in Africa. I cant' really explain it other than saying watch the video. It is a bloody brilliant video and I can't believe my good fortunes to come across this. I'll probably end sharing this on my other public networking websites.

New Years is so close!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Collegeacb is revolting

2009-12-11T00:34:00.000-08:00

So my friend showed me this site called collegeacb and honestly it is a disgusting website. No it's not a porn website or some disgusting website like meatspin. It's disgusting in the sense that it shows the true ugliness of human beings. Basically it's a website that allow people to post anonymously about your school (pretty much gossip or say hateful things). Ande th things said in the posts are unbelievable. Normally I would be depressed when seeing this because all this tells me is that immaturity I wanted to escape from high school still exists in the college that I love. And then I see one post that upsets me greatly.

http://collegeacb.com/sb.php?school=UCIrvine&page=thread&id=99425&p=1

This post directly attacks one of things that I absolutely love about UCI, SPOP. For one, I do not wish to create a response on that website because it's pointless. I wouldn't change anyone minds or opinions through a stupid website argument. So it's best to just stop reading and accept the fact that there are a lot of ignorant people on this campus who really need to grow up. However, it really angers me to see someone to blatantly attack SPOP without any valid reasons other than it's filled with "fobby Asian hip-hop wannabes" or AXOs who he/she refers to as "sorority pornstars." I may not know the real reason why this person despises the people in the program but generalizing an entire sorority as pornstars is CROSSING THE DAMN LINE. I know some people in that sorority and they are good people so it really offends me when someone would make such outrageous and immature generalizations. Not only do people such ignorant generalization they would go as far as saying that a group of "all asians" is a lack diversity. This is BS. Some of these guys forget what the word diversity means. Diversity is not just restricted to the color of our skin but also by our cultures, our pasts, personalities, religious views, etc. I don't get why so many people are so focused by the color of our skin. I thought we were past those days and these are the days where follow the simple rule of not judging a book by its cover but by its contents.

The other thing that really made me angry real quick was the fact that someone directly attacked someone that I respect a lot. The post is as follows:

"Its because that hannah bitch, a smug korean cunt (like all koreans, she is smug as fuck) who heads spop is asian, thats why." (Someone a post later corrected this person's mistake, but I'm still frustrated by it)

This was in response that there was a lack of diversity (not enough "non-asian" or white people) but to directly attack someone because of her racial ethnicity and then go as far as generalizing an entire group is upsetting. But the thing that really gets to me is that he/she would say something about this woman. I may be a little biased when writing about Hannah, but I love her to death and she was like the older sister that I never had. I have so much respect for her and I credit a lot of my growth in college to her. But to see that someone would say that about Hannah makes me question whether or not this person really knows her. Hannah was and will always be one of the bigger influences in my life because the way she conducted herself and the amount of wisdom that she has shared with me has really left me in awe of her as a person. I can't imagine anyone disliking her to the point where someone is willing to say something like that about her. It just doesn't make sense to me.

But then again a lot of things in this world doesn't make sense.

On the brighter note: I'm done with finals! My winterbreak has started and I can't wait to relax.

Wrong thing to be thinking about during a final...

2009-12-11T00:27:00.000-08:00

I thought I should share this...

While I was taking my abnormal psych final, for some odd reason instead of thinking of an answer for one question the thing that popped into my head was this:

Waiting for that girl...

2009-11-29T00:20:00.000-08:00

There has been one thing that has really been bugging me recently and I've been having a really hard time shaking it loose. If you haven't figured it out just by the title of this post alone then I'll say it here: girls.

Recently, there have been times when I would sit alone and for some reason just feel lonely. I know that getting a girlfriend won't solve this loneliness issue and this is something I will need to solve on my own, but in those moments of solitude I begin to think and just imagine what my life would be like if I was in a relationship. I'll admit that I am one to believe in storybook romances and more than often I'll end up reading books or watching movies which will only provide me with more hope that one magical day a girl so perfect will spontaneously become part of my life. But then that just makes me a hopeless romantic. Now-a-days it's starting to get really hard for me to "wait for that girl" to walk into my life.

It seems like every time I do meet a girl that I find interesting, I always end up making myself look foolish or I simply don't do anything at all. It's weird because I don't see myself as a shy person but when I cross paths with a girl that I find interesting or a girl that I like, I have the hardest time just talking to her without making things awkward. It makes me wonder how do some guys are able to ask girls out on dates with confidence when I can't even act normal around a crush. Are some guys more natural around girls than I am? I guess that is something I'm going to need to find out soon if I hope to actually get serious about this relationship thing.

Life is just too confusing especially when romance is involved.

p.s. darn you Korean dramas. You guys (Korean dramas) just make things worst.

Since I have to pay a lot to learn....

2009-11-22T16:57:00.000-08:00

Major props to whoever made this video.

Anonymous

2009-11-08T13:11:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was to write this blog as an anonymous person. I could say whatever the heck I want and not worry about others who may read my blog would think.

A Fun Story

2009-10-27T02:30:00.000-07:00

I thought I share this story from my private blog. I really like this story and it made me think about the hardships I faced this past year and this current year...hopefully it can have the same affect on others as it has had on me. :)

FOOTPRINTS
One night I dreamed I was walking
Along the beach with the Lord,
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there was only one.
This bothered me because I noticed
During the low periods of my life when I was
Suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, You promised me,
Lord, that if I followed you,
You would walk with me always.
But I noticed during the most trying periods
Of my life there has only been
One set of prints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
Have you not been there for me?
The Lord replied,
The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
It was then that I carried you. -By Anon

I Don't Want to Grow Up

2009-10-23T00:46:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to feel the consequences of growing up and I kind of dislike it a lot. All these bill for things that I didn't even know that I had to pay for, I need to start planning for my future, realizing that there is such thing as an easy life, etc. This past week for me and people around me has been a downer. I had three midterms in a span of two days and I believed I did really on all those tests only to find out that I hit the mean. It really sucks because it makes me wonder if I am really no better than average. Each year I have tried to study harder yet my grades has yet to show any kind of improvement. Those midterms are only part of the puzzle that contributed a pretty negative week. Today I found out that my roommates and I were ripped off because our T.V. broke today and the repairman said the problem has been there for a while but the guy who sold it to us said it was perfectly fine. Today I found out that someone I knew passed away. There a bunch of other things that went wrong this week but I’ll just start ranting about how much I hate certain things.

All these events really make start looking at where I am in life and I realized I need to really evaluate where I stand and start making decisions that will affect me for the rest of my life. I've been living my life so far carefree with the belief that good things will happen as long as I try. However, my wake-up call has not been pleasant and it's somewhat depressing. I'm watching people I know graduate college and start the careers and some friends I know are developing relationship into something that will most likely end up in marriage. It's funny that when I was little all I wanted to is grow up, but now here I am on brink of "growing up" and I don't want to. I think it is because I'm afraid what lies for me in the future.

I was told that I'll grow up and do great things, but what if those things don't happen? What if I am just average? To be honest, I really don't know what my talents are. I'm not the most athletic guy, I'm not the smartest guy, nor am I artistic. Heck, I have the most rotten luck with girls. So where does that put me? I honestly have no clue, people say that I am capable of great things but can I truly tap into that "potential" and do those "great things?" So far academically, it seems that no matter how hard I try, I will always hit that wall that prevents me from performing well. There seems to be a wall for just about everything I attempt to be good at which really makes me wonder what am I supposed to be good at if everything I do ends up with me either being mediocre or failing. Before I used to be able to live my life carefree, but now I am very afraid of what lies next for me because the days of my youth are coming to an end and I really need to evaluate my life and figure out what I need to do with the rest of my life.

I want to go to Disneyland...it's so happy there.

What If...

2009-09-06T22:06:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty uneventful day for me. I was pretty much alone in my house all day today with absolutely nothing to do, yet I felt like today I did a lot more thinking than any other day. And I caught myself going into a bunch of "what if" scenarios.

I recently got into a pretty bad car accident a few days ago. Luckily no one was seriously injured and the worst thing that may come out of this accident is I may lose my car due to it being totaled. I thought I would be able to move on from that experience and learn from my mistakes yet I caught myself today thinking "what if I had seen that car earlier and stopped sooner?" This eventually lead into me wondering "what if..." for almost every major landmark event in my life. Just thinking about what my life would be like had I taken a different route at each of these moments made me curious what I would be like today. One thing that I was thinking about a lot today was what I would be like had I not staffed SPOP last summer. Would I discovered my passion for dancing? Would I still have met the people I met through SPOP? Would I have the same outlook about life? There are many more questions that were raised but as I was thinking about that I realize I was venturing down a path that I shouldn't explore. All this "what if..." was making me look at my past and either regret past decisions/actions or wonder had I made the correct decision at that moment. I was forcing myself to start thinking backwards instead of forward.

I'm not saying that thinking about the past is a terrible thing to do, but if we are not careful we will begin to dwell on the past which is pretty much what I began to do. Yes, I do wish I could create a time machine and go back and prevent/fix all of my experiences that I would label as bad experiences. Yet, if I was to fix those things where would I learn the lessons those experiences provided? There are so many things in life that cannot be taught and must be experienced first hand. Living in the past would get me nowhere because all I would be doing is moping around complaining about things I could of done differently. It would simply ruin my future. Life is best experience without any regrets, so I guess it's best to accept everything that happened, soak in the lessons and keep moving forward without looking back.

Carpe Diem.

Food for Thoughts

2009-08-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

I want to be able to talk like this.

I had to post this one too...

Where are your monsters?

Because I'm Asian

2009-08-03T04:57:00.000-07:00

Throughout my travels, I have encountered one thing repeatedly that I have never experienced before in the United States. I have never really experienced the kind of stereotyping that I have received here. I have a whole list of times where I experience some random person saying something that is somewhat derogatory. Some of the things that happened to me are;

-I was walking around town in the early afternoon with a friend, who is Chinese too, when a bunch of kids (looked like they were still high school) walked right at us and started shouting some random "ching-chong" gibberish because I wouldn't move out of "their way.
-I was waiting at a bus stop late at night and a group of tourist came up to me but I heard one of them say "Let's not ask him, he probably doesn't know English."
-My friends and I was approached by some girl in front of a pub and was asked if hello was "Konichiwa or nee hao ma." When we told her they both mean hello in two different languages, she ran back to her friends shouting "They speak perfect English!" She later returned and asked us if we were from China or Japan. We really tempted to say we're from Laos.
-I was actually asked if being called a Chink was ok. This was the most ridiculous of all my experiences.

There are a few more moments but there all pretty similar to those experience. I experience a lot of "Wow, your English is really good" moments. I find it really interesting that I'm experiencing these kind of moments now rather than in America. I suspect it's because Asians are a rare sight here in Brighton as compared to where I'm from.

These experiences now make me wonder one thing. Why are people here so misconceited about Asians here? Maybe I'm just on the bad end of the stick but more than one experience with this kind of stuff is making me believe that there is something wrong here. In my own personal opinion, I think it's because people are curious at the same time they are not as educated as they think they are about our cultures. So far, most people here only believe that there are only Chinese and Japanese and every other ethnicities fall into some sub-category of Chinese and Japanese. It makes me wonder why they haven't realized that there are more than just two ethnicities and there is in fact a large number of different ethnicities each with their own unique language and culture. Perhaps I can blame it on the lack of diversity which is very evident in some parts of town.

In the end, I still don't know why I am so heavily stereotyped but hopefully at the end of the trip I'll learn something about that.

Study Abroad Update #2

2009-07-20T14:57:00.001-07:00

I just came back from my weekend trip to Amsterdam and Bruge and I have to say it was an interesting experience. While in Amsterdam, I tried a cake and I was tripping out like no other. It actually kind of ruined my afternoon as I was pretty much in a different world the entire time and I couldn't focus on anything. However, when I wasn't tripping out (which was the rest of the time), I had some time to take in the sights and I have to say that there is something unique about Amsterdam. If we were to take out the drugs and sex out of the equation, Amsterdam has this unique vibe that is really hard to describe. I don't think it would be a place I would want to visit with my parents but I don't know if I would want to for fun either because it's one of those places that attracts tourists with weed as the main attraction and I'm not much of a smoker. On the other hand, the trip to a traditional Dutch village with windmills was a fun place to visit. The clog museum was fun and I got to see how clogs were made. The second museum was a cheese factory and it had all you can sample/eat cheese. The cheese was freaking amazing and I was really close to buying some cheese but I didn't have enough money. *Sigh*

One of the many windmills....

After leaving the village, our tour stopped at Bruge on the way back to the UK. The city was breath-taking. Bruge had some of the best sights I have seen so far. The city had a very lively, retro feel and the architecture was amazing. But the thing I enjoyed the most there was the waffles and chocolates. I would definitely want to come back to Bruge and spend more time there. The time we spent there was not enough time to visit all the sights that I wanted to visit but at the same time I feel lucky enough to even have the chance to visit such awesome city.

Bruge.

Finals week is upon me and I must study now...no more playing around. Darn.

A Quickie

2009-07-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

Don't have much time for to type a regular post...I'll write another one soon but a quick status update:

-I am painting my walls with blood...insect blood. I have killed at least one disgusting bug per day and they are leaving their residue on my wall. It's like a kill counter...
-First midterm today. Results= kinda challenging
-I just realized that there is no such thing as an easy college course
-Made a friend with a person from the UK
-I have no food and is losing too much weight
-It's really expensive to live here plus conversion rates suck.
-I got lost in London...again.
-Just realized I need to start uploading some pictures.

Greetings from....

2009-07-07T02:48:00.000-07:00

Greetings from the United Kingdom!

So last week was pretty epic because I could only sleep for three hour intervals at a time which made it really difficult to get a full night of sleep when I kept on waking up every three hours. However, that made the past week that much more fun as I was kind of delirious most of the time here. I met some pretty cool people and some new people but at the same time it feels too much like UCI in the United Kingdom as most people came in large groups of friends so most friend circles were already established and a little more close minded to meeting new people. I'm not saying that they are not entirely closed to the idea of new friends but they are definitely not excited to meet new people (maybe meeting locals gets them excited but people in the program...not too much).

I don't have much time to go into full details what I did last week as it would take a long time and I'll probably go off some random tangent about something random....

So quick summary of last week:
-Got settled in and was surprised to see how crappy the room was.....
-Killed this freakishly large spider and mosquito in my room...
-Meet a bunch of people
-Class/discussion/lab
-Walked around Brighton and got lost
-Went to a bunch of pubs and went clubbing. (Don't remember much from that night but I was told I was having a good time)
-Discovered a pub that I really like and plan on trying to become a regular there
-Went to go meet friends in London....and got lost again
-Watched an epic match between Roddick and Federer at Wimbledon (I wasn't actually in the stadium, but sitting with locals and the atmosphere made it amazing)
-Yesterday was the first morning were I felt exhausted

That's my experience so far. I'll try to load pictures soon when I have the time. Now I have to go back and study.

Cheers.

Passing of a Legend

2009-06-27T00:07:00.000-07:00

Although this is old news by now, but Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, has passed away yesterday June 25, 2009. To be honest, I had a hard time at first realizing that man that has created countless hits like "Thriller", "Beat It", "Billie Jean" (the list can go on and on for a long time) is no longer physically present on this planet. I will admit it took me a while to appreciate Michael Jackson and his musical genius, but once I became a fan, I couldn't stop listening and watching his videos. His music videos were just so epic, I mean who still does ten minute long music videos and still make them look as good as he has made them? It sucked for me to grow up in an era when Michael Jackson was getting publicity for a bunch of weird stuff that borderlines crazy, but I can only imagine what he must've been like in his prime. The passion, the dancing, his charisma...he will forever be remembered as one of the greatest entertainers of all time.

I was talking to one of my friend today and he said that one of the best thing Michael has done for us was make people want to dance and I couldn't agree more. His music just made people want to groove. I can't describe it, it just has this feel to it that made you want to jump out of your seats and dance. I would be lying by saying that I have never attempted the moonwalk before or tried to copy the Thriller dance. Even in the dance communities (mainly the bboy community because that is the community that I have the most contact with) honored him by dancing to his music. They believed that dancing was the best way to honor the King and I can't think of a more appropriate way to honor him. Michael was person who accomplished what the title of my blog states; he may be gone but his legacy still remains.

On a brighter note, I am officially twelve hours away from my adventure to the United Kingdom. I'm pretty excited and anxious about this trip. It will be my first time I will try and survive in an environment that I am not too familiar with at all, but I hope all will go well and this will become that amazing experience everyone always talk about. I'll try to update this blog weekly about my adventures abroad! :)

"If you enters this world knowing you are loved and leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with." -Michael Jackson

What is School?

2009-05-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

I had the worst feeling after a midterm on Friday. I was so filled with fear of how bad I did on the midterm mixed with anger, I couldn't focus for the rest of the day and the worst part was that it was a morning midterm so I was forced to try and appear happy and normal when I was with friends. The only thing on my mind was get away from this place called school. I wanted to go home.

I really needed an escape from school, a retreat to recollect myself and recover from the overload of stress stemming from school. While listening to some Hawaiian music (I don't know why, but Hawaiian music always seem to calm me down) I began to ask myself what is school to me. On one hand, school can be considered a pain in the ass process that we must endure in order to receive a piece of paper that says that we have survived however many years we spent in college and are now officially "educated" citizens. On the other hand, school can be considered an amazing environment where we can learn as much as we want and whatever we want.

My views of school are more closely associated with the first view as I often find myself trying to endure classes rather than enjoy them. I am constantly stressed about my classes that thought of me enjoying what I am learning never once crossed my mind. It really bugs me that I came to college to learn, yet I hate the process of learning so far. I don't get why I pour all my effort and time to memorize things that I will only remember for a test and the moment the test is over all my efforts spent over the past few days will disappear. I have this wonderful opportunity that not everyone is blessed to have and I take it for granted. I could be learning new things about science, culture, and the English language every time I walk into a lecture. Instead I attend lectures just in case there is a random pop quiz or i-clicker question. I don't go to lectures to learn but I go for the sake of being there. I don't get why as much I try to enjoy learning I always end up disliking the process of learning even more. I am presented a wonderful opportunity to learn something new everyday and I am squandering it one second at a time. I think it's time I find a way to change my views of school so I can enjoy my remaining years here at UCI.

Thanks for the Prayers!

2009-05-11T00:31:00.000-07:00

I am happy to say that my friend was released from the hospital a couple of days ago and he says he is feeling as healthy as he ever was. Thank you so much for everyone who has prayed for him and thank God he is able to walk away from this as if nothing ever happened.

On the side note, I was watching Anastasia with my sister this weekend and it was strange re-watching a movie that I watched as a child now. The music from the movie is the thing that really impressed me. The entire soundtrack for Anastasia is simply amazing and I began to fall in love with it. The first verse of Journey to the Past was something that I can relate to and it pretty much summarizes what I am feeling right now with all the things going on in my life.

Heart don't fail me now,
Courage don't desert me,
Don't turn back now that we're here.
People always say,
Life is full of choices,
No one ever mentions fear.
Or how the world can seem so vast
-"Journey to the Past" Liz Callaway

Prayer request

2009-05-03T02:30:00.000-07:00

I just received a phone call from my friend that one of my friend has just been rushed to the hospital due to an irregular heart condition. According to her, this may be a fatal condition. I couldn't even talk to my friend when she was telling me about him, I was in a state of shock. This is too unbelievable because I saw him this Friday and he was fine, but to hear that he may have a fatal condition now...I don't know what to say. I can only do one thing; pray. Pray that I will see him again. I am asking everyone who reads this entry to please consider my friend in your prayers and that he will be fine in the end. Thank you so much.

Pet Peeves

2009-04-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

Today is Easter! Yay! Although I should be happy and celebrating right now, I stumbled upon something on You Tube that really bothers me. I was watching a bboy battle and I stumbled upon a comment by some dude saying :

"Good day to all of my fellow Christians, firstly my apology for being out of topic. I came here to remind you people that the judgment day has been starting already. I urge you my fellow Christians to depart from all form of unchristian conduct lest you be found not worthy to inter the kingdom of God in the Day of Execution. Please do not misinterpret my activity as spam; I did not do it for that purpose."-conceil8

This is truly one of my biggest pet peeve. As much as I want to support tche guy because he probably had good intentions, his methods are something I completely disagree with. I respect the fact that he is trying to evangelize others and share his faith, but using fear as his tactic? That is complete BS. This guy is as bad as those people who come onto campus shouting that we are all going to go to Hell. I took the liberty to go to his website read what he has to say about what we should do so that we can enter the Kingdom of God and it is absolutely ridiculous. He suggests that we literally give up everything and submit ourselves to a totalitarian-like system with this thing called the "Administration" controlling every aspect of lives and what we do. It's unbelievable that this guy believes that this is the path to salvation. People like them give Christians a bad rep. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they create more non-believers than believers which is very depressing.

I respect everyone who is brave enough to voice their opinions. Yet, I just can't help but feel extremely frustrated with people who post up or say stupid crap like the guy did above. He didn't even bother to say why he believed that Judgment Day has started already. Plus, (correct me if I'm wrong) I'm pretty sure that the Tribulation happens before Judgment Day, so this pretty much makes his belief that Judgment Day is upon us invalid. I can't believe that people are this stubborn. It's almost like they believe that they are the only one in the world with the right opinion and everyone else is wrong. Why do they want to be the only correct voice in the world? It just doesn't make any sense to me. It also pisses me off that some Christians would go as far as taking certain Bible verses out of context so it would help their arguments or provide a reason for certain things that they do. The act of perverting a Bible verse so it will justify your argument or your actions is truly an act of selfishness and adds fuel to the fire for those who want to argue that Christians are hypocrites.

I believe that the best way to try and get someone to understand my faith is by being their friend first. I feel that sometimes it is easier to share my faith with someone who is my friend than walking up to a complete stranger and sharing my faith with them. Perhaps the one thing that needs to be recognized among many Christians is that the strategies of the past are often not the most effective methods and we need to adapt to today's culture and adjust our methods. It's like the guitar being used in modern worship. Back in the days, the guitar was often associated with rock music which was considered by the church "Devil music" and it was considered absurd to use it for worship. However, if we look at most churches today it is hard not to find a guitar being used for worship. The usage of the guitar is just an adaptation by musicians who realized that the instrument could be utilized to make some amazing music for worship and that music can be used to appeal to a broader audience.

Learning is Fun

2009-04-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

This Spring quarter is showing a lot of promise. If you haven't found out by now, I'm no longer a Bio major, or will no longer be a bio major by the end of this quarter. Instead I will, hopefully, graduate UCI as a Public Health Policy major. The switch from a science major to something that is non-science is a scary switch for me because I am now removing myself from world and placing myself into another world. Growing up, one of the things that I always wanted to do as a kid was become a scientist. I had so many aspirations back then. I wanted to cure cancer, make some sort of potion that will make people feel young all the time, etc. I pretty much wanted to make the world a happier place. Then I got older and reality sort of kicked me in the face. I still have the desire to grow up and help people, but I just have to find another way to do it.

During spring break I realized that I was in the wrong major and pretty wasted the first two years of my college career trying to be successful in a major that was simply not suited for me. I tried my hardest every quarter, spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to expand my knowledge of biology only to receive grades that did not justify the amount of effort and time I spent. After realizing that I was never good at biology and seeing that my current path is not going to take to where I want to go, I opted to switch my major to something that I might have a chance at and it will hopefully refuel my desire to study again. I never thought studying was a bad thing because in the end I'm learning something new. Whether I'm learning about business, laws, or whatever I am studying, I used to enjoy the process of gaining new knowledge. I can't say that there has never been a time when I wished I was doing something else other than studying but looking back at all my study sessions, I used to never have a problem with the idea of studying until college.

I'm hoping that my switch of major that it will allow me to enjoy my last couple years at UCI and raise my GPA back from the dead. As for now, enjoy my last couple weeks as a second year and just remember to take some time to sniff the roses/whatever plant smells nice in Aldrich park and prepare for the future. (Namely getting ready to study abroad, so pretty much getting ready for that culture shock. :D)

Why I Love SPOP

2009-03-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Oh how I love spring break. It is just a wonderful time; great weather, no school related stress, and time to see old faces. It really is one of the best seasons of the year. That said, this spring break has also had it's share of being somewhat mentally tiring.

One thing that sparked one of my many trains of thoughts was something that I read in one of my friend's blog. His dad was undergoing surgery for the same exact thing my grandpa had. From what I read so far, it seems like his father is doing fine and I'm glad to hear that.

I think my grandpa plays a large role why I hold SPOP so close to my heart. The year I went to SPOP was the same year that my grandpa passed away. SPOP was one of the greatest experiences of my life. My staffers were the best staffers in the world and have impacted me in so many ways that I cannot express in words. The biggest reason why I wanted to be a staffer was to emulate them and impact so many others the way they impacted me. Now looking back at SPOP after this previous year and after reading my friend's blog, I really believe the reason why I love SPOP so much is because it created an alternate reality for me to escape to.

My folks planned for me to attend SPOP the weekend before my grandpa's funeral. The way they set it up was, I attend SPOP for three days and right after it ends I go to the airport and was flown out Sacramento for the funeral. I can still remember my parents dropping me off at Mesa court, telling me to make sure I leave as soon as possible so I won't miss my flight. It was hard going to some orientation for a college that I didn't want to go to and knowing that right after I had to say goodbye to someone I love. Yet, my staffers have accomplished the impossible and lifted my spirits in a way that many others couldn't. They helped me escape the harshness of reality long enough for me to finally accept the fact that he is gone, but I will someday be reunited with him. For the first time I cried not because I was mad or sad, but because I was happy. It was then and there I fully understood what tears of joy were. I never had the chance to tell them how grateful I was for them being there and just providing a friendly atmosphere. Even when I staffed with one of my own staffer, I was still never able to tell her how thankful I was. So I want to thank my staffers now (Larry, Lilly, Chris, Donald, J-Chou, and Erin) for helping me smile during a period of my life where it was hard to.

Success and Failures (Part 2)

2009-03-18T10:50:00.000-07:00

In continuation with my earlier post, I stumbled upon a great clip from Rocky (I think it's from the sixth movie.I lost track after Rocky 3). Rocky pretty much sums up what I wanted to say, so enjoy the clip.

Success and Failure

2009-03-14T00:42:00.000-07:00

The future is a scary thing. In fact, every time I'm asked the question "What are you planning to do post-college?" I can only say that I'm planning on going to grad school but the key word there is "planning." I think that word scares me, it is synonymous with "never guaranteed." You can control certain things leading up to something you want in the future but after that it's all up to fate to see where you will end up. However, all those countless hours of preparation and careful planning can be unraveled by a single, cruel twist of fate. It's like watching a model airplane that you just finished accidentally get stepped on by your little brother. You dedicate so much time to every little details, perfecting each and every part. It was perfect in every aspect. A symbol of your hard work and patience. Yet, you could not avoid the tragedy of it being destroyed. Moments like these often lead us to question why things like this happens. It's too unfair. It only leads to sadness, confusion, and anger.

Despite the fact that fate can be cruel, I think it is very important that we realize that when one door closes, several others swing wide open. The problem is that our gaze too fixed upon that single closed door that we fail to notice the other doors that are open. One of the biggest inspiration stories of my life is the life story of my dad. He went to UCI (like me!) for undergraduate school where he excelled in most of his classes. He was an aspiring pre-med student who is the son of a renowned heart surgeon from a small town in Sacramento. His parents pushed him to become a doctor and he openly accepted the challenges, preparing his entire life to become a doctor and only a doctor. Fourth year of college swings by and he scored decently on his MCAT, had an impressive GPA, an equally impressive resume, and an abundance of volunteer and research hours. He applied to 30-something medical schools. He received 30-something rejection letters. He was confused at first as to why he didn't receive a single acceptance letter, but then he decided move forward and see what other options he had available. He was accepted to UCLA's public health graduate program and he then went to work for the FDA until he resigned from the FDA and started his own pharmaceutical consulting business. Now he just as successful, if not more, as a doctor and he still is working in the medical field doing the things that he loves.

Stories like those are inspirational to me. It provides me a beacon of light in a room full of darkness. Those stories are solid proof that you can find success in failures. Sometimes those twist of fate and failures can be a blessing in disguise. I guess a analogy that works for me is failures can be like cough medicine, hard to swallow but in the end it will only help you.

A little bit of inspiration for those who follow my blog...

This show was awesome

2009-02-20T11:29:00.001-08:00

They don't make cartoons like this anymore.

Carpe Diem!

2009-02-18T13:51:00.000-08:00

It has certainly been a long time since I wrote here, but I finally found some time to bust out a cup of tea and write amid the chaos that has been going on.

It's funny reading my last post on here. I was quite bitter and pretty pissed off and I will say that things haven't gotten any better, but I'm now learning how to get a hold of my life now and fix things.

First thing first, I finished all my application stuff!!!!! Woohoo! Although I barely made the GPA for most of the things that I applied for I was still lucky enough to able apply for them.Right now I'm going to test my luck and see if I can get the RA position, however, I don't think I performed as well as I could have for my personal interview but then again I always get really nervous and kind of awkward during interview scenarios. The interview for SPOP returner was really interesting this time around. I still felt like a newbie applying for SPOP when I walked into that room, but it helped me become more comfortable interviewing with people I knew this time around. Again I walked away from the interview amazed by their answers and I am hoping that they all get returner because in my opinion they deserve it. That interview made me miss being around the Gold year staffers this year. They were always so encouraging and just so...so inspirational. I learned so much from each and every staffer and every moment spent with them have helped me discover more and more about myself. I have said it time after time, but being a gold year SPOP staffer has been a huge blessing and an amazing experience.

Now onto my life...it's still not pretty. School is just becoming harder and harder by the second. Classes are getting harder to pay attention in, the coursework is harder, keeping up with the reading is becoming harder; life as a college student is just becoming hard in general. Hopefully that is going to change when I change majors because after last quarter I realized that I don't really like biology as much as I thought I did. I forced myself to like something that I really had little passion for and now I am suffering the consequences. This is one hard lesson I learned from this year, always pursue your passions. Forget all the "cons" of following that passion, if you really loved whatever you are pursuing you should only see the "pros." In fact, if it is truly your passion, you don't need to follow some sort of path to get there; you will find a way there. For me, I want to be a physical therapist but being a bio major is not the path I want to take to get there. I realized a year too late that I should have been in some other major than take the bio route to grad school. Yes being a bio major will help me because it opens up the doors for me but at same time, do I really love what I am studying? For me it's no, so why in the world am I in that major? I should of came into UCI as an Undeclared and keep my options open, instead I opted to be like all my friends and be a bio major. However, that's all "I should of..." instead of "What can I do now?" which is the attitude I should have. As Master Oogway so brilliantly put it, "The past is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called a present." For a children movie, Kung Fu Panda has a lot of insightful and meaningful material and I highly recommend it.

As far as where I stand in my ministry, I still don't know where I belong. It's the worst feeling for me. I see so many familiar faces but at same time I don't really recognize them at all. It is becoming increasingly hard for me to connect with a lot of the people in the Edge. By myself, I am not a really good initiator (this is most likely reason why I don't have a girlfriend by now) and I guess that is something that you need to be able to do to establish strong relationships in the Edge. Whenever I go to the large meetings, I feel like a newcomer to the Edge instead as a member of the Edge for one year. It is just a weird feeling and I just don't feel as comfortable as I used to be. Even at the winter retreat I felt alone and by myself almost the entire time. Well, I guess it is partly my fault why I am a little detached from that group of friends yet something is just really bugging me about the Edge but I can't figure it out. Like I said earlier, the Edge is an amazing ministry that has all the potential in the world to something well beyond great. I don't know what is bugging me about it but I really hope I can find out what it is soon.

On the brighter note, I realized that a lot of the answers and miracles we ask and seek are right in front of us this entire time. We can be those answers and miracles we ask for. Everyone has the potential to be great, just some don't know it yet. It took me almost 19 years to realized that I can make a difference and I have the ability to do it. God provides us with the opportunities all the time, we are sometimes too blind to notice. We all are special and we all can contribute in ways that many others cannot. In Marianne Williamson's "Our Deepest Fear," she said that "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." We don't need to worry about what others think about us because in the end, that will only hinder us not help us. Once we overcome that feeling, who knows what we are capable of doing. The greatest leaders of all time were the ones not afraid to stand up from the crowd. They knew that a lot of the public will disagree with them but they did it anyways. They became the answers and miracles they were asking for. So I guess what I am trying to say here is seize the moment when the oppoturnity is presented.

Something's not right...

2008-12-17T16:55:00.001-08:00

I needed to vent...so here I am venting to my best friend...my blog.

Newsong church currently just finished a series called Chaos. I think that would appropriately summarize my life at this current moment. I just recently saw one of my final class grade and let's just say I am going to have to retake the class. No big deal right? Wrong, it's a big, big, BIG deal for me. My parents constantly challenged me to plan ahead and for once I did. I pretty much planned out the rest of years left at UCI. I had plans to study abroad, plans for summer school, plans for grad-school and plans for vacation. All of these plans came apart because of one little thing...one little class that I have to retake. Oh my God. Literally. Oh my God, why does this has to happen to me. Why did He decide to make my life so much tougher, so much more stressful. Everything was set up so perfectly and God decides that He wants to infuse a little chaos into my life. In all honesty, this quarter has been really tough for me. I admit it. I lied. That's right, I lied. I was not doing fine and my life recently has been really tough. I don't even know where to start, but I'm going to try.

You know that feeling where you felt like you find somewhere or something you belong to and your proud to be part of it? Well, I had that feeling last year when I joined my college ministry, the Edge. It was an amazing experience last year, however this year feels different to me. It still is a great ministry and it has so much to offer and the potential to turn into something beyond amazing, but for some reason I don't know what it is, but for some reason I'm not feeling it this year. I feel like everyone got so much closer this year and I pretty much stayed in the same place. I didn't advance with my relationship with others but at the same time I didn't go backwards. At the same time I feel like my relationship with God is not going anywhere either. I'm not walking forward nor am I moving backwards. I'm like in this limbo where I am simply not moving in any direction. One of my friends asked me why am I still part of the Edge and I couldn't answer that question. I still don't know the answer to that question as of now. Honestly, my whole experience with the Edge this year has been a very bittersweet. I'm honestly not feeling anything when I'm going the large group meetings, Re:act. I still enjoy being around the people there and they are so welcoming and friendly. The messages, on the other hand, are not hitting home with me, I'm not really feeling worship that much, at times I feel like I'm left out from a lot of group outings...I just don't know what is going on with me.

On the topic of friendship, I feel like I'm somewhat fading with one of my friend that I really got close with last year. A couple of times I asked her if we could have a talk, usually for me to vent about something or get some advice from (I consider her pretty wise and comforting to talk to) but recently she's kind of been putting me off. Well not really putting me off, but like she never has time now but I feel like when she does have time she usually is with her other friend that she recently became close with this past year. It's always one of us are to busy at one time to talk to each other this year so it is understandable that we are not able to talk as much. However,one time when I found out she was talking with her other friend after I asked her if we could talk, I'm not going to lie, I was hurt. I won't tell her but I really felt like she pushed me aside. I am really hope that we can start doing our talks again but as of right now...things just don't look like they favor me.

All my life, the biggest question for me has been what am I going to do when I grow up. This year I finally found out that I want to become a physical therapist, but God is making it very difficult for me. My classes this quarter have been very tough and I feel confident about two of my classes but one of my class I have to retake sometime soon. This really sucks. I was planning on going to London this summer to study abroad for physics and spend next summer doing summer school classes that I need for PT (physical therapy) school. Now I have to retake this class during one of my summer because I simply won't have enough time to retake it during the school year because I'm switching majors which means I have to take other classes to "catch up." Not only will that only complicate things, this class will lower my GPA like mad meaning it will be really hard for me to apply for things because of my low GPA won't meet the requirements.

Why do bad things happen to good people? I'm not just talking about me, I'm talking about EVERYONE.

You always see those stories on the news reporting a story of a family that experienced tragedy. They were simple law-abiding citizens that did not deserve it yet it happened. The other day I was asked to join a Facebook group for a guy who has lost his wife, his two baby daughters, and his mother-in-law in a freak accident. The guy was a co-pastor. We're talking about a freaking Co-pastor here. This guy is as Holy as it gets. Why does something like that has to happen to someone like that? Why does God allow that? Those two babies didn't even get a chance to experience a childhood. My friend's laptop was stolen during finals week and she was shining example of a good Christian. Why did she have to go through more stress than she needed during an already stressful time? I am just confused. Honestly, I think it is more than just God testing us. I really wish there was someone out there that can give me the answer to that question.

Does God answer all prayers? As of right now, I don't think that God think what I'm praying for is significant because He has not answered my prayers at all this entire quarter. I prayed for a successful small group. I have yet to have at least two official small group meetings. I asked for Him to help me through my finals. He instead makes life so much more difficult for me. What do I have to do to get my prayers answered? Why does whenever I pray really hard for something, the opposite happens. What does this mean? Am I screwing up somewhere? Why is it every time I ask for guidance or answers I am left with more questions and more lost than before? Am I not listening hard enough? Am I not looking hard enough?

I don't get it. I did what I could to go further in my walk with God, yet I don't feel like I'm moving anywhere. I've prayed and He doesn't answer. I looked and I can't see what He wants me to do. I listened and I can't hear Him at times. What am I missing? Why is He making me go through so much crap? He gives me one of the most amazing summer experience in my life and then He gives me one of the toughest quarters of my life. What does He want me to do? They say that everything that happens for a reason and God will take care of me in the end. I don't understand why I have to go through so much, so many ups and downs, in order for me to realize what He wants me to do.

Someone please help me understand what is going on.

This guy pictures are so inspiring...This is something that will keep me upbeat in a down time...it looks better bigger.

The Beginning of Those Good Times!

2008-12-14T22:58:00.000-08:00

It's official! I have finished my last final of the year on December 12, 2008 (That was Friday). Every quarter so far, finals week has always been kind of a downer week for me and I usually get really stressed out and I am just simply not as upbeat as I was as compared to a week before finals week. This quarter I wanted to try something different to see if it would affect me differently during finals week. My goal during finals week besides studying hard and staying focused on school was to be as positive as I could possibly be.

If anyone actually bothered to notice my behavior during this past week, they would notice that I was a little more upbeat than normal. I was studying and having fun at the same time, I was counting the number of days left with glee, I was leaving the test in a feel-good mood. I seriously wanted just skip through a field of flowers singing my heart out after each an everyone of my finals...unfortunately there are no field of flowers in UCI.

Honestly, I don't think it is even humanly possible to be happy during finals week unless you try to and make it as fun as possible. I won't say that sleeping over in the Student Center was too much fun but it was definitely interesting because now I can brag (I wouldn't know why I would to brag about it...maybe claim is a better word choice) to others that I have slept in the Student Center before.

I will say that staying positive definitely impacts you in a way that I never imagined it would. It kind of helped me focused in an odd way. It helped me find some peace in an otherwise chaotic environment and week. I didn't feel any sense of panic when I felt like I was behind schedule, I wasn't moaning and grumbling about how hard my subject was...I just went along with the flow and just attacked my notes and studied as hard as I could. I know that I didn't like Genetics and it was one of those class that I have to take rather than a class that I want to take, but I did my best to enjoy it as much as I could and it actually made studying somewhat easier for me.

The glass-is-half-full mindset I developed during this past finals week made me feel really good at the end of each of my finals. I know that I can only study and do so much and whatever-happens happens. However, how I feel after each finals is in my control. I can be pessimistic and complain about how hard the test was and how terrible I did or I can say that I did well and move on. The choice is mine to make and no one else. Others can complain about how bad they did but that doesn't mean I have to, too.

In the end, being positive does amazing things for me and it something I am going to try doing on all my tests. People like it when you are happy and you make others around you happy. Positivity helps you believe in yourself and enables you to do great things. Gone are the days where I dread the weeks of tests because I know that week is going to be stressful and overburdened. From now on, the future is going to be filled with positivity and I'm going to welcome it with open arms.

*So recently I've been doing a lot thinking/meditating and this song helps that process a lot. Enjoy!

You are Loved

2008-12-07T18:54:00.000-08:00

How weird would it be if some random person just walks up to you and tells you "You are loved" and then just walks away without saying another word. Honestly, I wouldn't know how to react to that. I think at that moment I would just give the person a strange look and try and figure out what the heck just happened and what did that person mean by I am loved. After a while, I'm pretty sure I'm going to start meditating on those words, especially one world in particular: love.

What is the meaning of love? Or for the matter, what is love? Perhaps love is something that is without a definition, something that goes beyond rationality of the human mind. Maybe love is something that transcends the physical world and is something that is spiritual. I believe the concept of true love is something that we all search for in our lives. It is definitely something not easy to find but sometimes all it takes is one to open their eyes and look around them. I know it took me awhile to realize that. Back home I never quite understood why my dad disciplined me so much, but I came to realize that it was all out of love. He disciplined me to help me develop into a better person, not because he liked disciplining me it was because he cared that much for me. My dad even said he hated disciplining me but he had to because he knew it would make a better man in the future. That realization is sometime lost among many second generation Chinese kids. All they see from their parents is the harsh, disciplinary side but sometimes they fail to see that their parents are doing that because they want to see them succeed.

Love is one of the most valuable treasures in this world. I feel like we all need love just as much as we need air to breathe. I think that a life without love is life that would not be worth living. With love in our lives, we are empowered beyond belief. It helps us believe that we can do and accomplish anything that we thought were out of reach for us. I can't even comprehend how someone can go on living their life without love. Love is the very essence and core of our being. It is the energy that sustains who are and what we are. In fact, I am pretty sure that everyone has a deep-rooted desire to love and be loved.

Now-a-days, love is often just tossed around so much that it has lost some of it's meaning. People always say they love things but do they really love those things? For me, to love something means that you are truly passionate about and you are willing to stick with it no matter what difficulties gets in the way. This year I got to experience something that help me understand the meaning of love better. I wonder how many people can guess what that is? If you guessed SPOP, you guessed correctly. Yes I know I do talk a lot about SPOP, but it is something that has impacted me in so many ways that it's hard not to refer back to it. SPOP has shown me the impact that love can have on others, the things that people would do in the name of love, and the things that it makes people become. I felt like every staffer loved the program so much that they were willing do whatever they can, no matter how ridiculous or awkward it made them look, to make it one of the best experiences the spoppers ever had. And guess what? Many spoppers would agree with me that SPOP was one of the best experience they had (at least all the ones I have kept in touch with). It has also helped me really come to love and appreciate UCI in ways that I have never had before. UCI is a gorgeous campus. The park, the people, the learning environment, everything about this school is beautiful. It took me a whole year and a summer to realize that.

This brings up another point that I would like bring up. I feel like love is more than just a mere feeling, but something that expressed when we do something for another person that benefits their spirtual and emotional growth. By doing that, hopefully it will help that person realize their full potential and they will be able to start tapping into it. As Christian, I feel like that love is a gift from God that is meant to pass onto other. I used to always wonder why it was so important to "spread the love," but after much meditation I came to realize that by spreading love you not only brighten up your life but the lives of others as well. I think that's why one of the greatest commandment is to love your neighbor. By just loving others you will create a lot less problems...Heck, if everyone loved their neighbors, the world would be a much more happier place.

Now back to what would happen if some random person came up to you and said "You are loved." I honestly wouldn't know what that person intentions are and I still don't know what I would say or how I would react but I think I would smile. I'm smiling because I know that someone out there loves me for who I am and that is a fact.

"We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love." -Mother Teresa

Here's another picture that helps us get in the mood for Christmas...

Ice Skating at Rockafeller Center by Trey Ratcliff

It's almost that time!

2008-12-04T21:27:00.000-08:00

I found this picture when I was browsing through my old pictures and I thought it would be nice to share it on here since it's that time of the year!

Hello dear old friend...

2008-11-30T17:19:00.000-08:00

I miss this blog...It has been a very long time since I posted here but school has somewhat taken over my life...positively and negatively but I have some time now. (By the way, Week 10 is usually never fun and always busy...all work and no play makes Jeremy a dull boy.)

A lot has been happening in my life but I think the topic I want to focus on right now is dancing. Ever since this summer, dancing has become a passion of mine. It is sometime a little distracting because all I can think about sometime is dancing when I should be studying but I guess that tells me how much I love it. I would have never thought that I would like dancing as much as I do right now. It has open so many new doors for me to explore, introduce me to so many people that I thought I would have never met before and, in many ways, it has become something that I can retreat to and refresh myself. It has introduced me to a community that I love so much and they are really amazing people. They are always down to help out and help you learn and progress. I love the BBA folks so much and it has been such a blessing meeting people like them.

Music has always been a passion of mine but to be able to groove and have fun physically interacting with it has been an even more surreal experience. I have never experience a way to just to let go and express myself in so many ways. It is freaking awesome way of escaping from reality and to just let go of any stress that I have. After listening to Wade and Andrew talk about dancing with Tiffany, I came to realized that dancing can be a way to worship God. I wasn't gifted to be a great dancer but it something that I really love and it is something that I can use to worship Him. Dancing is a way for me to lose myself and what better way to just lose myself while worshiping Him.

One place I would like to give a shout out to is Homeland. There is something about that room that makes it so amazing. There is like an aura of positivity surrounding that place. Homeland really lives up to the HOME part of the name because every time I go there I just feel at home and at ease with myself. I am definitely looking forward to going there as much as I can.

Well that's all i can think of for now but I may add some more stuff onto this topic later....as for now...here is a nice picture from an amazing photographer....

I wanna go here...right now. *Sigh*

A Golden Summer

2008-09-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Okay folks, now it's my turn to write my little note about this past summer. Also, it has been a while since I last posted something and I think it's about time I should post something....anyways back on topic...

At UCI there is this little thing called the Student Parent Orientation Program also known as SPOP. Not SPOP Program, just SPOP. Actually I take that back, SPOP is not little at all. It's big in every way imaginable. It lasts an entire summer. It consists of 140 staffers. It is a program that inspired thousands of freshmen. It is a program that changed the lives of many including staffers. It is something so beautiful you can't describe it. SPOP is something that changed MY LIFE.

My first experience with SPOP was when I came through the program as a freshman last year. I'm not going to lie, it was the best freaking experience of my life. It was such an amazing environment and everyone was so accepting there. I didn't at all have to worry about my personal image and reputation. SPOP provided me a fresh start. A clean slate and the opportunity to be able to express myself and not be judged. My staffers (Lilly Luong, J-Chou, Larry Chu, Chris Gayomali, Erin Rector, and Donald Romain) were just amazing people and were my first impressions of college. I cannot find another word other than amazing to describe those people. They really help me break out of my shell and helped me to love this awesome school as much as they do and to be able to approach UCI with an open mind. After SPOP, I wanted to be staffer just like my staffers.

Fast forward a couple of months and I'm a SPOP staffer. Training has been an amazing experience and I learned a lot from those sessions but I learned the most from my other staffers. The Coords have done such an amazing job of selecting an amazing group of people that I can't even fathom what SPOP would be like without these people. Each and everyone them are amazing people and I have learned so much from each one of them. I enjoyed every moment I spent with all the staffers...all the heart-to-hearts, all the spoptics, the .5's, SpArrowhead, SpVegas, the support, the friendships, the freaking random chanting at 5 in the morning in Vegas, EVERYTHING! I can't explain in words how freaking amazing this program is and how much it means to me. I feel like I really grown a lot from this experience and it is something that I will never, ever forget. After spending an amazing couple of months with this program, I began to see everything in a much different light. All my problems suddenly became miniscule things, I began to appreciate all the little things in life, and most importantly i felt much more comfortable being myself.

SPOP is an amazing thing. Again trying to explain how amazing SPOP in words wouldn't do justice. It is amazing to see how a 140 crazy, amazing, and beautiful people can come together and make a simple program like SPOP a life changing experience. It is simply awesome. I don't think I have ever encountered something like SPOP where it has impacted a 140 lives and more. I have never experienced anything like SPOP. So what makes it so different? Is it the open, welcoming environment? Is it the diversity among the staffers? Is it high-on-life personality that is in every staffer? Is it the contagious laughs and smiles? What is it that makes SPOP stand out from everything else? That is one question that I will never fully be able to answer.

Perhaps one of the most satisfying thing about SPOP is when one of the spoppers pulls you aside and says thank you. Whenever I hear stories of how the other staffers inspired the other spoppers or became the spoppers role-model/hero, I can't just help but smile. Being able to inspire those kids and just help provide an open-welcoming environment has been such a blessing and I don't regret throwing away my entire summer for this program. I love this program and everything it does.

Although Gold year may have ended, I feel like the experience we gained from SPOP is enduring and will stick with us for a long time. Yes, there might be no other experiences as amazing as this one but I'm still young and I have an entire life still to fill with positive memories. This experience has changed me in every positive way possible and I am thankful for that. I remember someone telling me that once a staffer, always a staffer.

"The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we stand, but in what direction we are moving." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

SpVegas!!!

2008-08-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

SpVegas...My oh my, what a wonderful trip! It was an amazing ride and it's amazing how much different it is to go to Vegas with friends. It's one thing to go on trips with families, but with friends? It's a whole different story. When I'm on vacation with my family, I'm pretty sure they won't wake me up 5 in the morning chanting "This is just a dream..." And then after chanting that, they start chanting "This is Soo Hee Kang" I won't lie, when they woke me up, I seriously thought it was a dream for a couple seconds. But then that whole trip and perhaps this whole summer felt like a dream. I'll talk about summer later (Cliffhanger....) but that Vegas trip was sooooo unreal, that it did feel like a dream. All the lights, all the people, the parties, the huge party suite, Phantom of the Opera, and just sleeping in a room crammed with 15 people. This trip was simply amazing. I can't think of any other words other than amazing. Despite all the chaos that occured there, I felt a sense of tranquility there. Perhaps that came from being around friends or from the experiences that I had during the summer, but whatever it was I felt at peace in a very chaotic environment.

I'm going to try to end all my blogs with quote...makes my blogs sound intelligent...

"The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom."- James Allen

A blog?

2008-08-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

Hello blog!! (again...:P)

It has been a while since I last blogged (say almost 4 years...) but I'm back!!!! After this summer, I felt like I needed some sort of medium to express my thoughts other than telling people. So here is my blog and these are my thoughts...and whatever else I decide to post in here.